Brooklyn Nine-Nine has become one of the top sitcoms to watch thanks to all of the characters’ quick wit and hilarious comebacks. Whether it’s a snide remark from Gina, a dimwitted comment from Charles, or one of Jake’s childish antics, fans are guaranteed a laugh from each episode.
Throughout the show’s 7 seasons, fans have enjoyed watching the shenanigans of the zany characters. Each episode is funnier than the last and choosing a favorite episode is incredibly difficult, let alone a favorite quote. Nevertheless, here are the 10 funniest quotes from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
10 “Okay, no hard feelings, but I hate you. Not Joking. Bye.” – Gina
Brooklyn Nine-Nine wouldn’t be the same without Gina’s obnoxious teenage attitude. Her lack of ambition, great style, and self-centered personality has made her a fan favorite. Fans never know what Gina is going to say next and they love her for it.
In season 1’s “The Slump,” Gina had fans giggling as she attempted to pretend to not care that Amy and Rosa wouldn’t let her be apart of the program for at-risk youth. She might have had the two fooled if it hadn’t been for her exiting remark, “Okay, no hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.”
9 “Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.” – Jake
Jake Peralta might be one of the best detectives at the precinct but he doesn’t always have the best attitude. Jake constantly thinks he knows best and fails to listen to his superiors, even when they have proven that Jake would be wise to accept their advice. However, this is why fans are always rooting for Jake, as he turns his cockiness into a charming quality.
Sarge has time and time again tried to help Jake avoid getting stuck in a pickle, but Jake refuses to heed his warnings. Luckily for the detective, Sarge hasn’t given up on him yet. Somehow, Jake is always able to charm his way back into Sarge’s good graces.
8 “Great, I’d like your $8-est dollar bottle of wine, please.” – Jake
Jake might be charming and overly confident, but when it comes to his finances, he knows exactly where he stands. Jake knows when it’s acceptable to splurge on things, and apparently wine is not one of those things.
In season 1, Jake attempts to impress Captain Holt by buying a top-shelf bottle of wine, but he failed to realize how expensive the best wines can be. When the cashier presented the store’s finest wine, he told Jake that it costs $1600. To that ridiculous price, Jack responded, “Great, I’d like your $8-est bottle of wine please.”
7 “Jake, a piece of advice: just give up. It’s the Boyle way. It’s why our family crest is a white flag.” – Charles
Charles Boyle has good intentions but he might not be the best person to go to for advice. While Charles’s sweet nativity and lack of confidence can be endearing, he’s not exactly a role model for perseverance and resilience. If Jake didn’t know that about Boyle before, he certainly learned it in season 5’s “NutriBoom.”
When Jake and Charles got caught up in a pyramid scheme, they searched for a way out. Jake was determined to get their money back, but Charles felt they should just give up. Sometimes you have to know when to pick your battles.
6 “Fine. But in protest, I’m walking over there extremely slowly!” – Jake
Jake is not a fan of doing any task that was not his own idea as he rarely follows direct orders. Not only does he not do what’s he told, he also makes it very clear when he does not want to do something.
Fans discover this about Jake in the very beginning since he has been protesting his orders since the first season. In season 1’s “The Vulture,” Holt tells Jake to turn over his file on a case to the Vulture, and the detective protests by walking over there as slowly as he can. Way to stick it to the man, Jake!
5 “Jake, why don’t you just do the right thing and jump out of a window?” – Gina
Full quote: “Jake, why don’t you just do the right thing and jump out of a window? Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I’m mourning the death of a close friend.”
Jake and Gina’s friendship is one of the most endearing aspects of Brooklyn Nine-Nine as they bring out each other’s best qualities. Jake brings out Gina’s loving and nurturing side, which was proven in season 2’s “Wednesday Incident” when she tells Jake to jump out of a window to his death so she won’t get into trouble with Holt.
Jake does not agree with Gina’s plan, even though he was the one who roped her into his scheme to figure out why Holt was in a bad mood.
4 “Hello unsolved case. Do you bring me joy? No, because you’re boring and you’re too hard. See ya.”- Scully
Scully is the real role model of the show as his logical approach to the tasks at hand is admirable. Scully never dwells on something for too long since his practice of getting rid of everything that does not give him joy quickly clears out a lot of his baggage, including unsolved cases.
Amy attempted to get the team to clean out their stuff in season 6’s ” The Honeypot,” but she struggles to get them motivated. Scully steps in to save the day with his demonstration of throwing away an unsolved case file as it didn’t make him happy. Unfortunately for Scully, Amy was talking about personal items only.
3 “I don’t want to hang out with some stupid baby who’s never met Jake.” – Charles
Charles and Jake are best friend goals. Jake is the popular friend who takes Charles under his wing, while Boyle is the nerdy friend who is always up for whatever idea Jake has as he just wants to be included.
The pair are so tight that Charles thinks no one is cool unless they have met Jake Peralta, and that includes his future children. It’s crucial that Charles’ kids meet Jake since he doesn’t want to hang out with a stupid baby who has never met his best friend.
2 “Well, no one asked you. It’s a self-evaluation.” – Hitchcock
Hitchcock is not necessarily the best detective on the squad, but that doesn’t stop him from patting himself on the back. After all, sometimes you have to be your own cheerleader and give yourself positive feedback even if no one else will.
When, in season 1’s “The Apartment,” Hitchcock is proud of himself and Scully for getting 14 arrests, Holt reminds him that those are not enough arrests. But Hitchcock doesn’t care, it’s a self-evaluation so Holt’s opinion doesn’t really matter. Don’t let the haters get you down!
1 “I ate one string bean. It tasted like fish vomit. That was it for me.” – Sergeant Jeffords
Sarge is a deeply complex man with deeply complex thoughts. He is full of life-shattering emotions that fans can’t help but contemplate. There are a lot of ways to describe string beans, but no one sums them up better than Sergeant Jeffords.
Sarge makes his feelings about string beans crystal clear in season 1’s “Thanksgiving.” According to the wise sergeant, who’s only tried string beans once, they taste like fish vomit. Now the real question is how does Sarge know what fish vomit tastes like?
NEXT: Brooklyn Nine-Nine: 10 Best Gina Linetti Quotes