Friends: The 10 Most Hilarious Quotes From Ross Geller

Even the most hardcore Friends fans have to agree that not all of the show has aged well. Many of the series’ original jokes would not stand up on their own today, but we should celebrate the acceptance and tolerance of people of all walks of life that has become a more mainstream quality in our culture as well as our media. We can also still enjoy the many times the characters on the show made us laugh so hard.

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Even as smart as Ross Geller was, for example, many of his quotes were so goofy or ridiculous that we can’t help but laugh and nod when we hear them again 15 years later. Given that the character was pretty much written for David Schwimmer, it’s no wonder that these lines were delivered with such panache.

10 “I’m The Holiday Armadillo!”

Remember the time that there were no more Santa Clause or other Christmas-related costumes around and all that was left was… an armadillo costume? This was absolutely perfect for Ross, who wanted to teach Ben about Hanukkah and decided that he needed Santa, too, only to discover that he was too little, too late when it came to ordering a costume (what did he expect?).

So he did what Ross Geller would do and rent whatever costume they had, which turned out to be… the Holiday Armadillo. Ross’s nasal voice declaring, “I’m the holiday Armadillo!” is one that can never be forgotten in its hilarity.

9 “Ah. Humor Based On My Pain.”

Even though Ross is the most intelligent of all of the friends, he’s also the butt of the most jokes in all nine seasons. Even Joey with his goofy little kid brain isn’t as much of a punchline as poor Ross. Luckily Ross is used to the behavior of his friends, however, and he’s quick to either condemn, join in with or shut down the joke, depending on the situation.

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One of his best quotes regarding one of these exact situations was the simple, “Ah. Humor based on my pain.” He loves his friends (and sister) even though they love to make fun at his expense.

8 “I Tell You, When I Actually Die, Some People Are Going To Get Seriously Haunted!”

Let’s be honest. We’ve all pictured our own funerals, or at least the reactions of the people we love upon hearing of our demise, and it’s kind of a morbid little hobby that a lot of people indulge in. So when Ross had a pretend memorial service for himself after Chandler tells his classmates that he was taken out by a blimp, we can kind of see where he was coming from.

When almost no one showed up for his fake funeral, an affronted Ross scoffed, “I tell you, when I actually die, some people are going to get seriously haunted!”

7 “You Have No Idea How Much This Hurts!”

Only pregnant people understand what it’s like to be pregnant, and only those who give birth can comment on the intense feels in the process. Ross, in a moment of sheer bone-headed hilarity, gets hit in the head while Rachel is giving birth to their baby by… Rachel’s head.

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It’s kind of a fitting moment where she can share a bit of the pain with her partner, but Ross has to make the quip, “You have no idea how much this hurts.” We’re pretty sure Rachel’s been bumped on the head before, buddy, and we’re also pretty sure you have no idea how much labor hurts!

6 “Get Off My Sister!”

As out of left field as Monica and Chandler were at first, we quickly grew to love the pairing affectionately known as “Mondler.” Ross, who didn’t approve of the couple when he first spotted them making out, gave us the kind of brotherly reaction that makes us both roll our eyes and giggle. Staring at them through the window, he shrieked, “Get off my sister!”

It’s so funny because it seems like such a 12-year-old comment to make, especially when your sister is a grown-up who can date with whomever she wants. Ross also gave us that hilarious “I’m fine!” when he found out that Joey and Rachel were dating.

5 “I Will Hunt You Down And Kick Your A**!”

It’s bad enough that Ross’s intelligence is something to be mocked, but the friends tend to guffaw over the man’s physical prowess as well, scoffing at the idea of him ever beating someone up. He attempts to threaten Chandler in a bit of an example of old toxic masculinity, telling Monica’s beau that, “if you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass!”

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The quote itself is a bit funny, especially considering the fact that Monica is much more intimidating than her brother (and the fact that she is, again, a grown woman who doesn’t need him issuing dumb threats), but the hilarity really ensues with Chandler’s reaction, which is a huge laugh.

4 “You And Those Vegetables Have, Uh… Real Thing Going, Huh?”

Okay, even the idea of Ross flirting with Phoebe sounds ridiculous based on their personalities alone, but when Ross actually attempts it his flirting skills are so awkward that we doubt they’d have even worked on Rachel at this point.

The quote? It’s a doozy: “Hey Pheebs, how’s that vegetarian pizza working for you, huh? You and those vegetables have, uh… real thing going, huh?” It is so painful to watch especially with that goofy leg dip he does, flinging his foot on the back of the couch to look cute. We doubt he’s ever looked as awkward at any other moment.

3 “I Got Dumped During Sex!”

Ross has had such bad luck with relationships over the years that we’re still puzzled over how he managed to not only marry Rachel but to get so many other cool and classy women to fall for him in the first place. Between his awkward flirting and lack of decent partner skills it really took years of training from all of his partners to whip him into shape.

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That does’t mean he doesn’t have some embarrassing tales that he doesn’t even have the shame to take to the grave, though. He’s openly admitted that a woman once broke his heart at the most intimate moment, saying, “Once, I got dumped during sex!” It’s a pretty sad yet hilarious line.

2 “I’m A Terrible Father.”

Who wants their baby to be soothed by the sounds of Sir Mix-a-Lot? It’s not the first lullaby that comes to mind when we picture a soothing song for an infant, but as most parents know, you use whatever works.

When a frustrated Ross attempts to soothe a crabby Emma with the gift of song, he croons, “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun,” before gasping at himself. He then says, “I’m a terrible father.” Frankly this is not one of the worst things he does as a father, since Emma won’t even recall these lyrics, which makes it even funnier.

1 “Pivot!”

It’s just one word, but somehow it’s been turned into such a funny line that it’s used in everything from memes to daily life, especially if Friends fans are moving furniture around.

While attempting to move a couch up some stairs, Ross calls out the order, “Pivot!” believing it will somehow magically help them get the couch all the way up the stairs and around the stubborn banister. It’s also just a silly word to use when moving furniture since it sounds like you’re ordering someone to do a dance instead, so it’s no wonder that we find such joy in repeating this simple but hilarious quote.

NEXT: Friends: 20 Things Wrong With Ross Geller We All Choose To Ignore


2019-04-19 03:04:21

Sara Schmidt

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