Grand Theft Auto V: 20 Items That Are Impossible To Get (And Where To Get Them)

There’s no telling what’s in the water over at Rockstar North, but science definitely needs to put some money into researching it. It could probably be distilled into a magical elixir, one that instantly makes even the laziest of us perform at 1000% in our jobs.

What other explanation could there be for Grand Theft Auto V? At the time of its original release in 2013, the Hype Train had been barrelling along for some time (it was a new Grand Theft Auto game, after all), and it arrived on shelves with Earth-shattering force. Sales records were crushed into sad, defeated hunks of Spam.

In fact, they still are being crushed into sad, defeated hunks of Spam. Did you know that it was the 11th best-selling game of 2018, despite being over five years old?

What’s the secret to the game’s success, then? Really, it all boils down to one thing: there’s an absurd amount of things to do. Rockstar has been fantastic with rolling out regular free content for Grand Theft Auto Online, and it’s a far cry from the mess it was when it first launched (because the whole galaxy tried to log in at once as soon as possible and the system buckled under the pressure).

Even if you’re playing, solo, though, Los Santos is one humongous playground to explore. But how meticulously have you searched it since 2013? Do you own prized pieces like the Space Docker and Dunce Hat? Have you tracked down the elusive Kanye West? Let’s take a look at some of the rarest items in the game, and how you can get your hands on them.

20 The Jetpack

That’s right, friends. If you’ve been out of the loop for quite a while, you might think that the jetpack is nothing more than an urban legend. Largely because, for such a long time, it was. Back when the game was still new and canny players were busting the whole thing wide open, there were all kinds of theories as to how to unlock the jetpack. The mystery of Mt. Chiliad was thought to be the key to finding it, and so it was… in the online segment of the game.

As of the Doomsday Heist update, you can travel inside that secret bunker and actually get yourself that impractical flying device you’ve always wanted. It’s called the Thruster.

19 The Dunce Hat

Now, if you’ve spent more than about an eighth of a nanosecond playing the average online game, you’ll have noticed one thing: random players online can be super, super objectionable. There are the trolls, the griefers, the spammers, the rapping-along-with-Eminem-down-their-mic-ers… it can be an all-around bad time, that’s for sure.

This being Grand Theft Auto, of course, you’ve got to expect the average player to be an extra dose of unpleasant on top of that. This is why, early in the game’s lifespan, Rockstar implemented the bad sports system, which saw repeat offenders lumped into a pool with others of their ilk. They were also – hilariously – equipped with a dunce hat.

18 The Giant Taco Truck

Let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment. Yes, it’s fun to engage in precisely-planned and tactical heists with skilled players, but do you know what’s even more fun? Forgetting all of that and just messing around on the highways of Los Santos with ridiculous vehicles.

High-speed chases in tractors, buses, and fire trucks are what life is all about, right? If you really want to go for it, though, you’re going to want that huge taco truck that’s hidden away in the game.

It’ll spawn in a secretive location north of Sandy Shores, between the hours of 1 pm and 2 pm.

17 The Spaceship Parts

For as long as Grand Theft Auto V has existed, it’s been plagued by odd rumors about aliens. Those wacky funsters at Rockstar have hidden all manner of extra-terrestrial easter eggs throughout the game (more on that later), and the whole thing culminates in a little sidequest for the most dedicated players to solve: finding the Spaceship Parts.

You can start your search after completing the Fame or Shame mission in the main story, which unlocks the Far Outmission and sets you off on your journey. There are 50 parts to find in all, scattered across the map in the most unlikely places. How to find them? For one thing, you follow the glow and rhythmic humming they emit, and for another, you check out this handy-dandy guide (complete with map) from IGN.

16 The Space Docker

As you can imagine, if you’re not following a detailed guide, it sure can be tough to hunt down all 50 of those Spaceship Parts. Even if you are, it’s a bit of a slog. Do you remember the hunt for all of those hidden photo ops in Marvel’s Spider-Man? It definitely was not a good time.

What’s your reward for getting all of those Spaceship Parts? That’s the real question. The answer, if you didn’t know, is the Space Docker. This super-unconventional vehicle looks like a regular dune buggy, albeit one that Doc Brown has added all manner of enhancements and doohickeys to. It has the unique ability to briefly ‘glide’ if driven over a jump or ramp.

15 The P-996 LAZER

Now, there are two things we all know about top-secret government bases. For one thing, they’re sure to be home to a whole array of neat toys and forbidden knowledge that we’re never, ever supposed to know about (they’ve probably got the answer to why our partners leave stuff next to the dishwasher rather than inside it in there). For another, they’re going to enthusiastically defend those secrets.

So, you want that sweet-looking military jet? Good luck with that. The guards of Fort Zancudo take their job very seriously. As seriously as Arnold Schwarzenegger took his job of rescuing his daughter at the end of Commando, and with just as many explosions.

Prior to the P-996 LAZER Week (after which, they were available to buy), it was one heck of a dangerous ordeal to try and steal one of these.

14 Kanye West

That’s right. Never mind dunce hats, super-fancy military jets, or any of those sorts of things. As it turns out, one of the rarest secrets to find in Grand Theft Auto V is… Kanye West himself.

That’s right. The rapper, man-scarf seller, and social media wiseman has never been officially confirmed to be in the game, but many players have encountered an NPC that looks shockingly like him. A random spawn, he could appear anywhere in your game at any time. Possibly singing Stronger or Gold Digger or something, though that’s not been confirmed.

Keep an eye out for him on the streets of Los Santos.

13 UFOs

As we’ve already seen, the game is rife with alien references and sci-fi influences. You’d almost expect to see a boy riding a bicycle right up there in the darn sky, with an odd little lumpen creature in the basket.

After completing the main game 100% (no easy feat, as we’ll also see later), those references become much more implicit. Less obscure easter eggs, more huge UFOs right there in your darn face.

After getting that elusive 100%, flying saucers will start to spawn in select areas of the map, under particular conditions.

12 The Kraken

With the predominantly concrete jungle feel of Los Santos, you’ll probably spend much of your time up there on land. The city is huge, after all, and the opportunities for water exploration are pretty darn limited in comparison.

This isn’t to say that there’s not a lot to see down there, though. Underwater exploration is an intriguing distraction, and there are two vehicles you can use to do so: the submersible and the Kraken.

Both are pains to acquire, but the Kraken makes the list because (if you’re not a returning player) it requires you to complete Franklin’s Wildlife Photography Challenge to unlock. This is one of the more obscure sidequests, unlocked after completing the first Strangers and Freaks mission.

It’s quite the challenge, requiring you to get Snapmatic shots of everything from a seagull to a mountain lion.

11 The Halloween Livestream T-Shirts

If there’s one thing that dedicated fans both love (when they manage to get them) and hate (when they don’t), it’s time-limited event content.

Holidays are a big cause of this. Even Super Mario Odyssey got in on the Halloween fun last year, alongside so many other games. As we reported over on The Richest, Rockstar once released some very exclusive Halloween-themed shirts, which have left fans feeling all kinds of ways.

They were available only through one method: the Rockstar Broadcast Stream GTA Online T-shirt Cannon. As a result, they’re among the very rarest items available in the game. They aren’t available any more full stop, in fact. If you weren’t a lucky winner, you’re out of… luck.

10 The Yeti

The yeti, that most elusive of hairy beasts, has become a real pop culture phenomenon. Homer Simpson was mistaken for the creature in the episode “The Call of The Simpsons,” it’s appeared in all kinds of movies, TV shows and video games… it’s a star, there’s no doubt about that.

Did you also know, though, that Rockstar has hidden the legendary creature away in Grand Theft Auto V? In the mission, Predator, the player is sniping targets in the Rato Canyon area. Somewhere among the trees, visible only for a brief moment, is Bigfoot itself. Use your infra-red scope, and you’ll clearly see it. In the mission The Last One, meanwhile, the sasquatch that features is believed to simply be a man in a costume (according to Franklin, at least).

9 The Racing Blonde Tattoo

There’s something a little shonky about Grand Theft Auto V’s character creator. You’re kind of doomed to look spooky, whatever you do. Some of us feel forced to keep sunglasses on their characters at all times, because their eyes look like they haven’t slept for 65 million years.

Not to worry, though, because there’s such an absurd array of clothing and accessories to buy in the game’s stores. If you want to customize your avatar with some of the rarest tattoos, though, you’re going to have to be really darn good.

For the less able GTA V racers, the ultimate lost cause would probably be the Racing Blonde tattoo. To unlock this, you’ll need to set a racing world record.

8 The ‘Los Santos Legend’ Achievement/Trophy

Generally speaking, we gamers tend to be quite a goal-oriented bunch. We see that list of collectibles, we want them all. We see that platinum trophy, we darn well want it.

Achievements and trophies have been a part of gaming for a long time, and some of us go to extremes in order to earn them. We buy games we have no real interest in, simply because they’ve got a quick and easy platinum trophy to unlock.

Do you know which game sure as heck doesn’t have a quick and easy platinum trophy to unlock? That’s right, Grand Theft Auto V. In order to earn the title of Los Santos Legend, you’ll need to 100% the campaign itself, spend a total of $200,000 across all three characters, reach rank 100 in Grand Theft Auto Online… and those are just for starters.

7 The ‘Criminal Mastermind’ Heist Completion Bonus

As I say, then, Grand Theft Auto V has been available for quite some time now. So too have the long-awaited Heists (yes, they took their sweet time coming, but they eventually did). The veterans among you have surely mastered each of these unique missions by now, making the best possible profit you could in the process. But have you gotten yourself the ultimate reward?

As Rockstar themselves report, the Criminal Mastermind IV special challenge award is the holy grail. It requires you to complete every Doomsday Heist mission in order, with the same team of four players, on the hard difficulty without losing a single life.

Your reward? An impressive GTA$3,750,000.

6 The Letter Scraps

Like any open-world game, Grand Theft Auto V sure does have its share of collectibles. As with something like Marvel’s Spider-Man, they’re divided into categories, and there’s a certain amount of each.

So, you’ve managed to nab all fifty of the Spaceship Parts? Excellent work! Next, you’ve got fifty Letter Scraps to find. As before, they’re spread all across Los Santos (IGN’s handy-dandy guide is here to help with that), and there’s an intriguing little mystery at the bottom of it all.

Collecting them all will reward you with the full, sad story of Leonora Johnson’s demise, and a confession from the guilty party.

5 The Minigun

Now, we know what you’re thinking. How in heck can a minigun be tough to find? They’re huge, after all; named ironically, like calling an enormous wrestler Tiny.

Locating the minigun isn’t exactly the problem. It’s getting to it. Like the P-996 LAZER jet, before there was an easier method of acquiring it, it spawned right at the top of the Fort Zancudo control tower.

This is not a place you just pop into whenever you fancy for a slice of cake and a catch-up. This is not your mama’s house. Unless your mama’s house is full of angry armed guards and Rhino tanks.

4 Nuclear Waste

So, maybe you’ve collected all fifty of the Spaceship Parts AND all fifty of the Letter Scraps. That’s some pretty darn good going if you have, but there’s so much more to find in Los Santos.

Your next collectible? Nuclear Waste. You have the happy task of collecting barrels of it from the waters around Los Santos, and they sell for a pretty penny (which is probably a metaphor for something). This side mission is a pain for several reasons. Firstly, you need to have completed The Merryweather Heist, then buy the Sonar Docks at Paleto Cove. Completing these steps nets you the Minisub, which you’ll need to use to go and hunt down those barrels.

The convenient Trackify app will help you locate them.

3 For Real Collectors Only

Over the course of this rundown, we’ve taken a look at a lot of the secrets hidden away in Grand Theft Auto V’s vast world. Little hunks of spaceship, drums of nuclear waste, fragments of a letter… there’s an intense

But what about an actual physical item relating to the game? As we know, publishers just love to drop special editions of their releases, just to squeeze a few extra drops of cash out of us all. In this particular game’s case, the Collector’s Edition saw a very special physical map of Los Santos thrown in. It pinpoints the location of a lot of these hidden treasures, but, brilliantly, needs to be viewed under a blacklight for that.

2 The Vulkan

Oftentimes in video game development, things don’t end up the way you thought they would. Revisions are made, things are rewritten, content changed or cut entirely. The files from something long removed will often remain buried in the game somewhere, waiting for enterprising modders to come along and find.

Take the Vulkan, for instance, a fighter jet (an earlier take on the Hydra, in fact) that was cut out of the game. As we reported previously over on The Gamer, it was a neat-looking ride capable of dual-firing missiles, and a sad loss to the game.

How can you restore the Vulkan to playable glory? Only through the use of mods.

1 The Enus Super Diamond

Now, granted, this might not be the most difficult vehicle to acquire. It’s most certainly not, in fact. The thing is, though, the side mission to unlock it is so hilarious, and the element of chance involved is such a pain, that it definitely warrants inclusion here.

To get your hands on the Enus Super Diamond, you’re going to need one to spawn. In the game’s main story mode, it will occasionally appear in traffic (at Vespucci Beach or Rockford Hills), but that’s not interesting. What you really want is the random Groom In Trouble event to spawn.

This NPC will randomly appear tied to a lamppost. When you talk to him, he’ll explain that his bachelor party took a turn for the worst, and he needs you to help him run a couple of errands (in a very strict timeframe) before dropping him off at the wedding. He owns a Super Diamond (a gift from his new father-in-law), and, as a reward for delivering the groom to the church on time, the best man tells the player that they can keep the vehicle.

2019-04-04 05:04:11

Chris Littlechild

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