Usually, it’s the witty smart-alecks like Tony Stark who serve as a film’s comic relief. But somehow, Marvel has managed to make its most serious hero into the one of the funniest characters in the MCU. Drax the Destroyer can’t even comprehend metaphors (let alone tell a joke), but he still manages to churn out hilarious soundbites that have audiences in tears every time he’s onscreen (happy tears— not Infinity War tears).
Whether he’s hurling himself into the mouth of a giant space monster or low-key hitting on Thor, it’s undeniable that Drax has become one of the MCU’s highlights. So the Avengers had better figure out a way to bring him back, because Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 won’t feel complete without everyone’s favourite Destroyer.
Here are 8 Drax quotes that will destroy (your frown):
RELATED: 10 Inspiring Quotes From Tony Stark
8 Nothing goes over my head…
Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it.
In Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket tells the other Guardians that metaphors will go over Drax’s head, and Drax responds with this famous line, cracking up audiences while demonstrating that he really is clueless when it comes to metaphors. Because his people are so literal, every idiom, abstract comparison, and play on words is lost on Drax. Usually, it takes an awareness of metaphors and puns to be funny, but what makes Drax unique is that he’s hilarious, but not because he actually knows how to be funny. He’s extremely literal, incredibly ridiculous and a lot of the time, just plain weird— and it’s these exact qualities that make him so hysterical. Just by being his strange, zarg-nut-munching self, he has become the most entertaining member of the Guardians of the Galaxy.
7 I’ve mastered the ability…
I’ve mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the eye.
Only Drax can pull off a line like this. If he were any other character, this would sound absurd, but for some reason, Drax can get away with saying the most ridiculous things and it seems completely natural. He could go on about whether chowing down on bioluminescent hamsters might aid in gut health, and nothing would seem out of the norm. Heck, he could even rave about the beautiful story of his father impregnating his mother at the winter solstice, and no one would bat an eye. You know how we know? Because he actually did say the last one in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 during a discussion of Quill’s father’s genitalia (yes, you read that right).
6 I like your knife…
I like your knife. I’m keeping it.
When someone named “The Destroyer” decides to steal your knife, it’s a good idea to let them (yes, even if it’s your favorite knife). No matter how hilarious Drax might be, before he was splitting sides with his hilarious quips, he was… well, literally splitting sides.
RELATED: 15 Things That Don’t Make Sense About Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2
Basically, he is not someone you wanted to see on the opposite side of the battlefield running at you with his giant knives. The guy looks like a miniature version of the Hulk, and he’s just as good as smashing things.
5 What if someone does something irksome…
What if someone does something irksome, and I decide to remove his spine?
For most of us, when people do irksome things, we throw them side-eye or sigh with a bit of extra gusto in their general direction (perhaps with a sassy tongue-cluck for added emphasis).
RELATED: The Marvel/DC War is Over, Thanks to James Gunn
But not Drax the Destroyer. He handles things in a more… let’s say, direct manner. Instead of trying to remove the problem by being petty and passive-aggressive like the rest of us, he removes… well, spines. So it’s probably best not to throw side-eye at this guy.
4 There are two types of beings in the universe.
There are two types of beings in the universe. Those who dance, and those who do not… You just need to find a woman who is pathetic, like you.
You know those friends who will always tell you the truth, no matter how hard it might be to hear? Well, Drax is definitely not one of those friends. He might mean well, but whenever he tries to give advice, he usually ends up horribly insulting the person he was attempting to help in the first place.
RELATED: Marvel Movie Timeline: A Complete History Of The MCU
Throughout the Marvel films, he’s actually managed to craft offensive slurs for every member of the Guardians of the Galaxy. According to Drax, Rocket is vermin, Gamora is a green whore, Groot is a dumb tree and Mantis is horrifying to look at. And we can’t forget Quill, who is, of course, pathetic.
3 It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.
It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel
Well, Drax isn’t wrong. When Thor is brought aboard the Milano in Avengers: Infinity War, the Guardians of the Galaxy offer commentary on his physical appearance, with all of them in awe of the muscular Asgardian except for Quill.
RELATED: Captain Marvel Has More Guardians of the Galaxy Connections Than You Realized
The admiration of Thor gradually turns into a roasting of Star Lord’s physique, who tries in vain to downplay the Asgardian’s attractiveness. Drax is especially harsh on Quill, deeming him nothing but a “dude,” while judging Thor to be a real “man.” Never pulling punches, the Guardians continue to bash Star Lord until he caves and commits to working out again.
2 I have famously huge turds.
I have famously huge turds.
Where most of us brag about our job prospects or our bank accounts, Drax brags about the size of his feces. In Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, while Rocket and Quill are arguing about who the better pilot is, Rocket declares that he’s going to put one of Drax’s turds into Quill’s pillowcase as revenge. And instead of taking offense or sitting in awkward silence like most of us would if our turds were casually mentioned in conversation, Drax owns his famously large feces and confirms to everyone present that his poop is indeed huge.
1 I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am…
I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you’ve accepted me despite my blunders. It is good to once again be among friends. You, Quill, are my friend.
At its core, Guardians of the Galaxy is a story about a group of misfits who find solace and a sense of belonging in friendship. Although each Guardian regularly makes mistakes and the group bickers like a bunch of five-year-olds, they are quick to forgive one another, viewing themselves as one big family (albeit a dysfunctional one). No one is perfect, and the key to building lasting relationships is to accept other people for exactly who they are, huge turds and all.
NEXT: Captain Marvel: 10 Ways Ronan Can Be Better Than He Was In Guardians Of The Galaxy