Wynonna Earp Characters Sorted Into Hogwarts Houses | ScreenRant

Wynonna Earp has its own special brand of magic. The SyFy series, inspired by the graphic novel, doesn’t send witches and wizards to special schools. It does deal in curses, vampires, and magic guns though. If Wynonna and her allies had the chance to attend Harry Potter’s Hogwarts, they’d certainly find themselves split up into different houses.

Related: 10 Shows To Watch If You Like Wynonna Earp

Though all of Wynonna’s allies have exhibited bravery in some form, they wouldn’t all wind up in Gryffindor. That house isn’t just for the brave, but also the bold and reckless. Some of the Earp heir’s allies would find themselves in Hufflepuff, where fairness and loyalty rule. Others would end up in Slytherin, where ambition and tricksters live. The rest, those who seek knowledge and an understanding of how the world works, would find a home in Ravenclaw. Here are the characters on Wynonna Earp sorted into Hogwarts houses.

10 Nicole Haught: Hufflepuff

Nicole is a brave police officer in the strange little town of Purgatory. She also investigated the demonic happenings of the town before she even knew what they were. That might make her seem like a Gryffindor, but Nicole Haught firmly belongs in Hufflepuff.

Nicole is all about belonging and safety. When she first came to Purgatory, she didn’t quite fit in, and she kept trying to figure out why the town was so strange. Once she understood what was happening, she also found a place to fit in with the Earp family. She’s one of Wynonna’s most trusted partners for a fight, but she also found love with Waverly. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for the Earp sisters.

9 Waverly Earp: Ravenclaw

On the surface, Waverly doesn’t seem like the type of person who would spend her life studying. A bartender in Purgatory when the series began, it didn’t seem like she got out much. Of course, that’s because she was obsessed with the so-called Earp curse.

When Waverly didn’t leave the town where she grew up to attend college, she studied on her own. Not only did she learn the ins and outs of her family history, but also the town history. She also speaks four languages and is one of the best researchers in the local branch of Black Badge. She’s a natural choice for Ravenclaw.

8 Jeremy Chetri: Hufflepuff

Because Jeremy is a scientist, fans might instinctively want to sort him into Ravenclaw. He can rattle off chemical formulas and attempt experiments at the drop of a hat, it’s true. While he’s good at his job, he’s not really motivated by his quest for knowledge like someone like Waverly. Instead, his motivation comes from his need for fairness and his belief in loyalty, just like a Hufflepuff.

Related: Wynonna Earp: 10 Facts About The Earp Family Most Fans Don’t Know

The Black Badge organization does some shady things once in a while. Despite that, Jeremy never loses sight of the goal: to keep people safe. He breaks the rules when he knows what Wynonna, or Dolls, or Doc, is doing is the right thing. With the team in Purgatory, he’s found a place, and people, whose loyalty trumps working for a government organization.

7 Mercedes Gardner: Slytherin

Much of the time the audience spent with Mercedes in the show was a result of her being possessed by one of Bulshar’s widows. That possession definitely didn’t make Mercedes a Slytherin; she already was one.

Mercedes is a loyal friend to Wynonna – but only to a point. If it comes down to saving herself or helping her friend, she’s going to choose herself. The season three ending is a perfect example. When she thought she was going to get to be the queen to Bulshar’s king, she was ready to give up anyone and anything for the comfortable lifestyle. It wasn’t until she realized what would really happen that she double-crossed him and helped Wynonna, saving herself again in the process.

6 Sheriff Nedley: Gryffindor

Law enforcement in a small town like Purgatory likely expects they’ll have to deal with a few bar fights and property disputes. Nedley, however, knows differently. Despite trying to turn a blind eye to the weird and the supernatural initially, he knows his small town isn’t like anywhere else. He dedicates his life to protecting it, which is what makes him a Gryffindor.

Related: Ranked: All The Heirs From Wynonna Earp

As sheriff, Nedley is one of the few residents who sees the supernatural goings-on in Purgatory right away. He might not completely understand them, but he keeps fighting for the safety of the residents. Even after retiring and handing his post over to Nicole, he still gets dragged back into the fight. Rather than leave Purgatory behind, he teams up with Wynonna to get the job done.

5 Rosita Bustillos: Ravenclaw

Rosita could be sneaky when she wanted to be. After all, she didn’t outright tell Wynonna, or anyone else involved in Black Badge, for that matter, that she was a Revenant. Unlike a lot of the Revenants the show spotlighted, Rosita just wanted to live her life.

Being a Revenant means that Rosita has been around Purgatory, off and on, for over 100 years. That’s a lot of time for her to live many lives. Unlike her fellow Revenants, who seemed more interested in hanging out at the bar or stealing cars, Rosita was interested in science. Rosita spent her time learning biochemistry and pharmaceuticals. Her interest in how things work definitely makes her a Ravenclaw.

4 Bobo Del Ray: Hufflepuff

Bobo Del Ray is a bit of a conundrum. When introduced to the audience, he seems like the top dog amongst the Revenants. His ability to manipulate those around him might lean the sorting hat toward Slytherin. In the end though, Bobo has a surprising code of loyalty that makes him a Hufflepuff.

Bobo only became a villain because he made a deal with Bulshar in the guise of Sheriff Clootie (and his wives). Bobo rose to become leader of the Revenants over time, assembling them like a very dysfunctional family, and protecting (most of) them from the Earp heirs. In the end, he has a soft spot for the Earp family, specifically for Willa and Waverly. Though he falls for Willa, he trusts Waverly, even asking her to be the one to “set him free” when the time comes. Bobo was just a Hufflepuff who gave his loyalty to the wrong people most of the time.

3 Xavier Dolls: Gryffindor

A member of an undercover government organization has to know how to keep his work secret. That would imply a certain level of Slytherin qualities. Despite that, Xavier Dolls is a Gryffindor through and through.

Related: 10 Best Episodes Of Wynonna Earp According To IMDb

Dolls was in an awkward position working for Black Badge. He didn’t always agree with the things he was supposed to do. As a result, Dolls didn’t always follow protocol. That sense of right and wrong, even when it goes against everything he’s trained to do, made him a special kind of brave. Trusting the instincts of Wynonna and her friends before his superiors was one of the bravest things he’s had to do since Black Badge could literally lock him in a box and throw away the key.

2 Doc Holliday: Slytherin

Like the Revenants, Doc Holliday has led a very long life. Luckily for him, he didn’t get repeatedly sent back to Hell every time an Earp heir wielded Peacemaker. Unluckily for him, he did spend a very long time trapped in a well.

Spending so much time trapped at the bottom of a well might make someone rethink their priorities. For Doc, it only reinforced his need to save his own skin before others. Of course, as the series has gone on, he’s extended that need to protect Wynonna and Waverly as well as their friends. He’ll do it by any means necessary. Like any Slytherin, he has a large bag of tricks at his disposal.

1 Wynonna Earp: Gryffindor

If someone asked Wynonna Earp what house she thought she’d be in, she probably wouldn’t say Gryffindor. Despite her bravery, her constantly saving the world, and her instinct to protect people, Wynonna doesn’t usually think of herself as the hero of the story. That might be the best reason of all that she truly belongs in a house full of brave souls.

Wynonna has made a lot of mistakes in her day. She embraces them, and she keeps moving. Unlike most of her allies, she’s upfront about her plans. Wynonna doesn’t need to trick her enemies, but comes at them straight on. Unfortunately, that means she loses as many fights as she wins. Wynonna Earp never runs from a fight, though.

Next: Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Characters Sorted Into Hogwarts Houses

2019-07-21 01:07:09

Amanda Bruce

10 Veronica Mars Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

Part Nancy Drew, part Dawson’s Creek noir, Veronica Mars was a breath of fresh air when it debuted on the now-defunct UPN in 2004. It ran for two seasons on the network before UPN and WB merged to create the CW, where the show had one more season.

The series followed the title character while she attended high school in Neptune, a small California town. At one time she was part of the in-crowd, but the murder of her best friend and her father’s fall from grace as the local Sherriff made her the target of harassment at school. While she moonlighted as an assistant to her private eye father, Veronica also had to survive the high school social scene.

With so many mysteries and criminal activity, fans would be quick to think Veronica Mars was full of Neptune residents that belonged in Slytherin – the Hogwarts house of the ambitious and sneaky. They wouldn’t be wrong. There are also plenty of Hufflepuffs (the loyal and hardworking), Ravenclaws (the logical and knowledge-seeking), and even a Gryffindor (the brave and the reckless).

RELATED: The 10 Best Guest Stars On Veronica Mars, Ranked

10 Wallace Fennel: Hufflepuff

The audience’s first glimpse of Wallace was a kid duct-taped to a flagpole. Veronica cut him down, and from that moment, a beautiful friendship was born.

That friendship gave the audience a hint at what Wallace’s Hogwarts house was destined to be: Hufflepuff. Wallace was always willing to do favors for Veronica, no matter how much trouble he could get in. How many permanent files did he “borrow” from the school’s administrative office for Veronica? The rest of us lost count.

Wallace also put his mother and his little brother first. He ran back into a house with a gas leak so they wouldn’t have to. Wallace also got Keith Mars to get rid of his mom’s troublesome tenant to keep his family safe.

9 Stosh Piznarski: Ravenclaw

Piz was pretty straightforward with his feelings and his actions when he joined Veronica Mars in season three. He wasn’t one of the people jumping into the mysteries or the fights. Those ideas rule him out as Slytherin or Gryffindor. His loyalty could land him in Hufflepuff, but his logical attitude leans more toward Ravenclaw – as does his encyclopedic knowledge of music.

Piz was one of the few characters introduced later in Veronica Mars who could keep up with Veronica’s wit. He wasn’t quite at her level when it came to working out mysteries, though he was pretty great at reading human behavior. Ravenclaw is the best fitting house.

8 Duncan Kane: Slytherin

Compared to his peer group in the early episodes of the series, Duncan seemed like a good guy. He wasn’t bullying his classmates, and he wasn’t rubbing his status in anyone’s face. The difference was that Duncan, as Veronica later pointed out, spent his time “standing idly by” while everyone else performed horrific acts. That inaction showed Duncan’s desire to preserve his status, just like a true Slytherin.

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Duncan also was intent on covering up the events surrounding his sister’s murder – even though he didn’t know what they were. Gaps existed in his memory when he found her body, gaps made more likely as a result of his type of epilepsy and the antidepressants he took. When a hallucination of Lilly made him believe he might uncover more while off his meds, he promptly began taking them again. Duncan wanted to hide the truth (even from himself) to protect him from the fact that he might have killed his sister.

7 Lilly Kane: Hufflepuff

Though the audience never got to see her in action in the present storyline, it was clear that Lilly Kane was the family wild child. Veronica’s memories of her made her sound like a master manipulator, but that wasn’t entirely true. Lilly was good at keeping secrets and going after what she wanted. Ultimately, her motivation was always her relationship with her best friend. Lilly was a surprising Hufflepuff.

Despite Veronica not being one of the rich kids, Lilly made sure she was never left out of the biggest parties. She supported Veronica when her boyfriend and his friends teased her. Lilly even protected her from secrets that could harm her, like Duncan believing Veronica was their half-sister. She didn’t betray her brother’s trust, and she also didn’t hurt Veronica with the information. Lilly did her best to do what she thought was right for both of them.

6 Weevil Navarro: Hufflepuff

Another surprising Hufflepuff in Veronica Mars came in the form of Eli Navarro AKA Weevil. Weevil might have broken a lot of laws in his day, but he lived his life by a code. He protected those who helped him out. Weevil never went after those who couldn’t defend themselves – unless they were a snitch. Eli’s trouble-making ways came as a result of his loyalty to the PCH motorcycle gang and providing for his family. He still wanted to make his grandmother proud by graduating high school, and he even confessed to a crime he didn’t commit to keep his grandmother from out of jail.

RELATED: Veronica Mars: 10 Unanswered Questions the New Season Can Answer

Weevil also kept Lilly’s secrets so her reputation wouldn’t be ruined, and refused to get Logan in trouble on multiple occasions, even though their relationship had never been the greatest.

5 Jackie Cook: Slytherin

Before she was a Valkyrie or a member of the Men In Black, Tessa Thompson was the daughter of a Neptune baseball player. She played Jackie for season two of Veronica Mars.

RELATED: 10 Roles Tessa Thompson Kicks Butt In Other Than Valkyrie

Jackie was a new addition to Neptune High. She moved to spend more time with her father. Veronica always suspected there was something fishy in her life even though the two became friends. The truth was that Jackie’s mother was a waitress in New York who had a one night stand with a famous baseball player. Jackie also had a son her mother was raising. Though Jackie wanted so badly to be more than just a waitress, she moved back to New York to raise her son and be there for her mother. She exhibited some serious Hufflepuff tendencies even though her scheming, social climbing, and pragmatic approach to life in Neptune make her a Slytherin.

4 Cindy Mackenzie: Ravenclaw

Mac was Neptune’s resident computer genius. She never met a system she couldn’t hack into. Could she be anything other than a Ravenclaw?

Mac went through some serious trauma over the course of the show. She discovered she was switched at birth with another infant. Her first serious boyfriend turned out to be psychotic. Mac just couldn’t catch a break. Like the people she remained close with (Veronica and Wallace) in the series though, Mac didn’t let her traumas stop her from searching for truth. She kept expanding her knowledge of technology and helping Veronica with difficult cases whenever she could.

3 Logan Echolls: Gryffindor

Quick to jump to conclusions, reckless, and never met a fight he could just walk away from. That hot-tempered personality of Logan’s is a perfect fit for a Gryffindor who loves to be at the center of attention.

At first glance, Logan Echolls didn’t seem like a brave and noble guy. He constantly made fun of Veronica and used his rich kid status to get himself out of trouble. All of that attitude was a mask for his unhappiness. When push came to shove, Logan routinely tried to do what he thought was the right thing. He confessed to a prank to make sure Weevil didn’t get expelled, routinely covered for his friends, and assisted in investigations. As he and Veronica grew closer, he even saved her life a time or two.

2 Dick Casablancas: Hufflepuff

Dick Casablancas, like most of the 09ers, didn’t give the audience the best first impression. Like all the guys from the prestigious 90909 zip code, he relied on his privilege to escape any kind of trouble. He also participated in a lot of the bullying in Neptune High, which might be why it’s surprising to see him as a Hufflepuff.

Dick was the kind of guy who goes along with the crowd. If his friends were doing something stupid, he was right there in the thick of it. He only acted so horrible because so many of his friends did – not to mention his father. Most of his behavior was learned by the examples set for him. He did have one huge spot of loyalty. For Logan Echolls, Dick would do anything. He’s the one person that Dick could always count on, and who could always count on him. As Logan made a turn for the better, so did he. 

1 Veronica Mars: Ravenclaw

Veronica exhibited a lot of Slytherin tendencies in the series. She could lie, scheme, and con with the best of them. Veronica also didn’t love being knocked to the bottom of the Neptune socioeconomic spectrum in the first season. Despite that, her work as a detective definitely sorts her into Ravenclaw.

Veronica absorbed information like a sponge and could logic out solutions like nobody else. History test the next morning, but need to investigate some leads in a murder investigation? Veronica could do it, no problem. Even when sleeping through her English class after a late-night of taking photos for a case, Veronica could still answer all the questions thrown at her. As someone who always had to know the truth, no matter how much digging it took to get to it, Veronica was definitely a Ravenclaw.

It’s true that sometimes the perception of the sorting hat can change over time. Perhaps some of these characters shouldn’t have been sorted into these particular Hogwarts houses, and we’ll find out in season four of Veronica Mars on Hulu.

NEXT: 10 Veronica Mars Quotes That We Can All relate To

2019-07-12 03:07:36

Amanda Bruce

‘Lost’ Characters Sorted Into Hogwarts Houses

Lost, a drama television series that came on from 2004 to 2010, was about the survivors of a commercial jet airliner that crashed onto a strange island. This TV show has been called one of the greatest of all time, and it won numerous awards, due to the sci-fi elements, the exciting story and the intriguing characters. Another popular story out there is Harry Potter’s, a magical one told through a book and a film series, and today, we are combining these two worlds…

If the characters from Lost went to Hogwarts, which houses would they all end up in, we wonder? Let’s find out and discuss, here and now!

RELATED: 10 Facts About Nagini That Most Fans Don’t Know

10 Jack – Gryffindor

It is no doubt that Jack would be a Gryffindor. People sorted into this house are natural-born leaders, and Jack instantly became in charge on the island. Immediately, the other survivors turned to him for support and guidance. It also definitely helps that he has medical experience!

He may have complained at times – just as Harry, the most famous Gryffindor, may have not always wanted to be known as The Boy Who Lived – but both of these men are brave, strong, smart and capable of doing anything they set their minds to and tackling any challenge set before them.

9 Kate – Gryffindor

Let’s be honest here: Kate has some Slytherin traits, but on the island, when everyone knew her, she was a Gryffindor. These people can be described as brave, daring and athletic, and these are words that can describe this gal, too. She never backs down, she is always right up in the action, and she doesn’t take anything from anyone.

RELATED: 10 Unsolved Mysteries From The Harry Potter Canon

Physically, mentally and emotionally, Kate is one of the strongest characters on this show and on TV in general. She also stepped into a leadership role on the island, sort of the like the Hermione to Jack’s Harry.

8 Sawyer – Slytherin

Sawyer would probably be proud to be sorted into this house! He is sort of an outcast, with his sarcasm and lone wolf vibe. But he is actually quite smart (and a lover of books, as well), and Slytherins can be resourceful, cunning, determined and clever.

He, too, became a leader during this crazy time, yet like a true Slytherin, he has a streak of self-preservation in him. That being said, there were times when Sawyer made some selfish decisions. In the end, though, all of these characters became like family, and he is really a sweetheart (like Draco may be, deep down).

7 Locke – Ravenclaw

Locke certainly had quite the transformation on the island, but we won’t get into all of that; all we will say is that this man seems like a Ravenclaw. He is super smart, he is quite original, and he is very accepting.

In flashbacks, he see a man who had a rough life yet who was a decent human. On the island, as he was learning more about himself and this place, he was spreading knowledge, helping those in need and trying to do what was best. Regardless of how that all worked out, he has some definite traits of this Hogwarts house.

6 Hurley – Hufflepuff

Hurley is a fan fave, as well as a Hufflepuff. Traits found in this house include dedication, hardworking, fair, modesty and loyal. From the beginning, Hurley has been someone people could rely on.

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He is another just generally decent guy, who does what is right, who does not complain all that much and who can be trusted. After all, he ends up being the protector of the island, proving that he is a kind, strong and smart person capable of such a job. Hufflepuffs may not be the bravest or the strongest, but they are great to have around!

5 Charlie – Slytherin

The Sorting Hat had some trouble here but finally placed Charlie in Slytherin. This house can be known as the not-so-nice one, but the people in it have some good traits. For instance, Charlie is certainly resourceful and clever.

With his music career alone, he showed some ambition. He has some leadership qualities, as he was in the elite group on the island and picked to do some big jobs (which we can’t talk about, since we don’t want to cry right now about that boat situation). He did show self-preservation, though, like Sawyer and like when it came to his addiction.

4 Sayid – Hufflepuff

Sayid is full of wisdom and acceptance, like a Ravenclaw. He is a brave leader, like a Gryffindor. He also has resourcefulness and determination, like a Slytherin. But overall, this man seems like a Hufflepuff.

He is certainly dedicated and hardworking, and all of the survivors owe him so much. Despite all he went through in life, he is a kind and fair man, with a big heart. And even though he has some unique skills – the ones that many turned to many times on the island – he is always so modest, which makes people like him even more.

3 Desmond – Ravenclaw

Ravenclaws are the smart kids in school, so Desmond would fall into this category. Of course, it can be hard to place anyone inside a box, especially complex characters like these. But think about what Des had to do for so long… It required intelligence, creativity and wisdom.

RELATED: 10 Things JK Rowling Planned On Including In Harry Potter (But Ended Up Scrapping)

And after he was introduced to everyone else on the island and after he got to know them, he was accepting, becoming part of this unique family unit. Yes, if he were to attend Hogwarts, he would surely be placed into this house, alongside Locke (and Luna and Cho!).

2 Claire – Hufflepuff

Claire is another sweetheart, and while she did not become a go-to leader on the island, she showed off positive traits like those found in Hufflepuffs. She is a dedicated and loyal person, who was close to the other main characters (some more than others!).

She is fair and patient, showing kindness and tolerance to all and being a really good friend, mother and supporter. While she certainly had some interesting moments on the island (we’ll forgive her for those low times!), it is clear that she is one of the good ones, like those sorted into this house are.

1 Ben – Slytherin

It seems pretty for sure that Ben would get sorted into this house here. He is one of the most resourcefulness and cunning characters on television! Plus, no matter what his current plan or goal or strategy was, he was showing ambition and determination, and like it or not, he was a true leader.

Ben did have some good ideas and some good moments, and in the end, he was kind of one of us… sort of. But one can never tell when it comes to those clever Slytherins – to people like this man right here!

NEXT: Myers-Briggs® Personality Types Of Your Favorite Lost Characters

2019-04-22 01:04:10

Bri Thomas

Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Characters Sorted Into Hogwarts Houses

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is a macabre and fantastic Netflix series that highlights the darkness of witchcraft in a way that the Harry Potter series only condemns to evil witches and wizards like Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. While the dichotomy of good versus evil is handled with a deft hand at Hogwarts and J.K. Rowling is incredible with toeing the line to make her characters much more realistic with human flaws, we have to admit the dark nature of Sabrina is delightful to watch.

RELATED: What to Expect From Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Season 2

That’s not to say that every witch and warlock in the series is of the Slytherin variety, however. In fact, many of the characters in the show are far from Voldemort’s House, demonstrating the qualities of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw instead.

10 Zelda Spellman: Slytherin

While Sabrina’s Aunt Zelda has definitely demonstrated more loyal qualities, putting family first in recent episodes and even defying her beloved Father Blackwood to the point of being imprisoned, she’s still a Slytherin to her core. An ideal witch in the Church of Night, Zelda knows her place, deeply desires to please the Dark Lord and ultimately embraces everything dark and evil in her life, even if it means taking away her niece’s happiness.

Zelda might embrace duty and tradition but she also puts herself first on a regular basis, especially when it comes to dalliances with Blackwood while his wife is pregnant. Miranda Otto is pretty much as far from Eowyn as she can get in this role.

9 Harvey Kinkle: Hufflepuff

While Harvey, Sabrina’s ex-boyfriend, exhibits some Gryffindor-like qualities in terms of his willingness to dive into the mines to find his brother despite his own worst fears, he ultimately values fair play and patience above bravery. He works hard when his zombie brother returns to him, patiently waiting on him to fully return, and when he finds out the truth he is hurt and angry over the unfairness of the situation.

RELATED: Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Review: A Devilishly Fun Mix Of Camp & Horror

A Gryffindor might understand Sabrina’s situation better, but Harvey, who does put up with a lot when it comes to his secretive girlfriend in the first part of Sabrina, is more of a salt-of-the-Earth kind of guy who will make someone a steadfast husband someday. He’s just not cut out for adventuring. It’s kind of hard to see why Sabrina would dismiss her dark baptism and put the town through all of its terror over a, let’s face it, basic boyfriend like Harvey, especially in a series as feminist as this one.

8 Rosalind Walker: Ravenclaw

Roz is one of the smartest young women in her school. As she challenges banned books, attempts to help her friends reason out their problems and tackles her own issues like her pending blindness and The Cunning she’s been gifted with, we see her make passionate yet sound decisions. Even when she’s faced with her own feelings for Harvey, she uses her logic to reason out why and why not it’s a good idea.

Unlike Harvey, who reacted to Sabrina’s powers with a total knee-jerk response, Roz accepted her powers after logically figuring them out on her own and assessing them, even after she had misgivings of her own.

7 Hilda Spellman: Hufflepuff

Loyal, earnest and true, Hilda Spellman is the epitome of a Hufflepuff. Sure, she knows her way around some poison and she talks to spiders, but she knows that family and friends come first. She’s so adamant that Sabrina maintain her friendships at her human school that she even visits the new principal–who happens to be Lilith, of course–and tries to rope her in on a plan to get Sabrina to return to school to nurture her friendships and happiness.

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Kind and generous Hilda has consistently put her loved ones before her own self, even while excommunicated from the church, which makes her a true Hufflepuff.

6 Prudence: Slytherin

At one point in the first part of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, we might have considered Prudence more of a Ravenclaw. She definitely exhibited some keen planning, especially in terms of revenge plots. Her willingness to be sacrificed during the Feast of Feasts kind of negates her other decisions, though, and as we’ve seen since, we know that she’s all about what’s good for herself, ultimately making her a Slytherin.

Even when Prudence recognizes how terrible her father is, she still seeks his approval in order to obtain status as his legitimate child. It’s only when she realizes that he’ll never care for her when she acts against him.

5 Ambrose Spellman: Ravenclaw

Ambrose may exhibit many of the self-serving, cunning qualities of a Slytherin, but his keen intellect and willingness to learn new things and share that knowledge with Sabrina make him more of a Ravenclaw. Sabrina comes to Ambrose when she needs assistance not only because she trusts him but because she knows how much he values knowledge and sharing it with his cousin.

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Those who recall the sitcom Sabrina series may recognize some of Sabrina’s cat Salem’s wit, humor and knowledge present in the character Ambrose in the new series. He pretty much replaced the human-like characteristics of her familiar.

4 Nick Scratch: Gryffindor

Wait a moment, you might be thinking: wasn’t Nick a traitor who only befriended and supported Sabrina at the demand of Satan? Well, yes, that’s true, as we discovered in Part 2 of the series.

But Nick Scratch, whose name always gave away his position (think “Old Scratch”), also not only bravely stood by Sabrina when it meant possible danger or ridicule for himself, but he also sacrificed himself for her in the end, proving that even though he’d bee working like a Slytherin for the most part, he was also brave and selfless in a way that Harvey’s really never been for Sabrina. (To be fair, he did demonstrate those qualities for his brother.)

3 Theo Putnam: Gryffindor

Why are there so many Gryffindors in Greendale? We have a theory that many teens act like Gryffindors while their hormones and frontal lobes settle, but we also think that Theo Putnam, formerly known as Susie, is a Gryffindor at heart. Theo definitely exhibits the qualities of a Hufflepuff, living as a true friend to all the people he loves, but he also bravely faces his bullies head-on without even flinching.

RELATED: What To Expect From Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Season 3

Watching Theo try out for the basketball team despite the odds was amazing, even if he did receive some clandestine help from Sabrina. Theo is easily one of the bravest and most fiercely loyal characters on the show.

2 Madam Satan: Slytherin

Lilith, AKA Madam Satan, is someone we love to hate but want to love. A feminist character, she fights for the rights of her students even when it really doesn’t matter to her, and she helps Sabrina even while she’s thwarting the young witch in ways that confound us. She’s a Slytherin to the core, ultimately acting in her own best interest and creating devious schemes to get what she wants.

We may even discover that Lilith was Severus Snape all along with all of the lines that she keeps crossing and the various people in her life, including her own beloved Dark Lord, that she plays. She’s a double agent if there ever was one.

1 Sabrina Spellman: Ravenclaw

Sabrina Spellman is a complicated witch to sort. She exhibits the qualities from all Houses in the show: she bravely and fearlessly defends her town and loved ones like a Gryffindor, craftily attempts to walk both the worlds of the witch and the human a la Slytherin but is also a true and loyal friend who always supports those she loves like a Hufflepuff.

Ultimately it’s Sabrina’s brain that makes her a Ravenclaw. Not only does she continually come up with schemes that enable her to skirt around the witch laws and Satan’s demands, but she also devises plans to help Theo at school, save Harvey’s father from drinking himself into an early grave and puts an incredible amount of thought into everything she does.

NEXT: Every Riverdale Connection in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Season 2

2019-04-20 07:04:17

Sara Schmidt

Girls Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

The struggle is real. HBO’s Girls centers around the lives of millennial Hannah Horvath and her friends as they navigate the world of post-college adulthood. Girls creator Lena Dunham completely captured the millennial generation, warts and all. Hannah grew up being told she could be anything she wants, without learning the independence to get herself there. She and her pals walk that fine line between freedom and aimlessness, often leaning towards the latter.

In stark contrast, the youth of Harry Potter have much of their path carved out for them by the age of eleven. As soon as they arrive at Hogwarts, they are sorted into one of four houses—Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw—based on their personalities and aptitudes.

If Hannah and her fellow millennials were to Uber to Hogwarts, which houses would they be sorted into? Here are the Girls Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.

10 Hannah Horvath – Gryffindor

Hannah flits from whim to whim like a hummingbird in a flower garden. Just when people expect her to zig, she zags. Sometimes she’s being gutsy and courageous, like when she realizes teaching isn’t right for her and quits—and, let’s face it—doing her students a solid, as she really was a terrible teacher. However, other times Hannah was just a thoughtless hot mess, like when her publisher died and she tried to talk business with his grieving widow…at the funeral. These are the two sides of the Gryffindor coin. As the series progresses and Hannah matures, she learns that choices can be both brave and well thought out.

RELATED: Girls: How Will The Series Be Remembered?

It’s a minor miracle the internet didn’t explode with all the debate over Hannah’s nudity. If anyone’s not afraid of getting naked, it’s a Gryffindor. Sometimes Hannah was trying to be deliberately provocative and other times she just wanted to feel free. Many criticized her au natural scenes as gratuitous, where others found them to be an inspiring win for body positivity. Millennial Gryffindors love to give people something to argue about…over soy flat whites.

9 Marnie Michaels – Slytherin

Lots of relationships came and went on Girls. Some were solid and others were doomed from the start. However, none had more undying love and mutual adoration than Marnie’s relationship with herself. The woman is Narcissus personified. Everything Marnie does is to serve her own means, even when she’s seemingly helping other people. She helped organize Hannah’s birthday party, only to strong-arm the reluctant Hannah into singing “Take Me or Leave Me”, just so Marnie could show off her singing skills.

RELATED: Harry Potter: 10 Reasons Slytherin Is The Best House (And 10 Why Gryffindor Is)

Slytherins divide their time equally between admiring themselves and eviscerating others. Though Marnie has plenty to be annoyed with Hannah about—like never paying rent—Marnie often treats her “best friend” as a verbal punching bag. No aspect of Hannah’s life, from her appearance to career path, is safe from Marnie’s eviscerating judgment. Doesn’t ‘Marnie Malfoy’ just roll off the tongue?

8 Jessa Johansson – Gryffindor

The only thing predictable about Jessa is that she will never be predictable. Long ago, her ego and superego moved out of her brain to make room for more id. She marries a man she barely knows. One day Jessa works at a children’s clothing store; the next she’s an artist’s assistant. She goes on drug benders with her father. Later in the series, when many have written Jessa off as a wild child with Peter Pan Syndrome, she cleans up her act. This involves getting sober and declaring she will become a therapist. Oh yeah, then she has a secret relationship with Adam, Hannah’s ex.

Jessa is all over the Marauder’s Map. She never met a consequence she didn’t disregard. That would take all the fun out of being the quintessential Gryffindor daredevil. While her promises may not mean much, Jessa Johansson solemnly swears she’s up to no good.

7 Shoshanna Shapiro – Ravenclaw

Shoshanna is a unicorn in a stable of self-absorbed horses. Though she has her whiny moments, Shosh is always chipper and optimistic, rarely lamenting about what a raw deal life has thrown at her. She approached her college studies with Ravenclaw-like dedication. Upon graduation, Shoshanna was determined to get a well-paying job so as to avoid the financial woes of her friends.

RELATED: Girls: 15 Things The Final Season Got Right

Ravenclaws are known for their bluntness. Sometimes their honesty is appreciated; other times, it’s awkward and inappropriate. Shoshanna really should have kept her mouth shut in her job interview, when she told her potential employer that this was her “back-up job”. However, Shoshanna’s candor is what makes her a fan favorite, like in the infamous “Beach Party” episode where she drunkenly calls out every member of her group. If anyone knows how to give a Luna Lovegood mic drop, it’s Shoshanna Shapiro.

6 Adam Sackler – Gryffindor

Adam grabs life with an iron-like grip of intensity. He attacks his passions the way Hermione attacks a textbook. However, when things get rough, Adam just quits. He’s in a play and there’s conflict with his co-star? The show’s canceled. Adam gets lonely when Hannah’s at school in Iowa? He invites Mimi-Rose Howard to move in…to Hannah’s apartment. Gryffindors tend to live for the moment, only to get distracted by the next moment.

Still, Gryffindors can show remarkable caring and generosity. He shows his love for Jessa time and again, though in a typical bad-boy Gryffindor fashion, Adam’s last episode sees him leaving her for Hannah. However, Hannah and Adam decide not to pursue a relationship. They both know better than to tame his wild, Gryffindor spirit.

5 Ray Ploshansky – Hufflepuff

As the admitted “old man” of the group, Ray can be a bit of curmudgeon. But playing father-figure to a cadre of entitled twenty-somethings is a total drag, so Ray can be forgiven for not always thinking the world is sunshine and rainbows. However, this hipster Eeyore is full of nothing but loyalty to his friends. He’s hired several of them as baristas at Grumpy’s, only to be met with ingratitude and laziness—”That’s not how work works!”. Still, when anyone is in a jam, Ray is there to help, like after Hannah’s hitchhiking fiasco. If somebody needs a favor, Hufflepuffs are always the first to get the call.

Hufflepuff Ray knows what it means to be “unafraid of toil”. When a new traffic light made the noise outside his apartment unbearable, Ray ran for city council and won. Between the car honks and his whiny friends, Ray would certainly savor the quiet of the Hufflepuff common room.

4 Elijah Krantz – Hufflepuff

At the other end of the Hufflepuff spectrum is Elijah. Though he radiates selfishness, Elijah is always a true-blue friend to Hannah. When her relationship with Adam goes up in flames, Elijah moves in with her to help cover the rent. Hufflepuffs often find themselves as ersatz therapists to their friends and Elijah plays that role for the entire Horvath family. After Tad comes out as gay, Elijah takes him under his wing. He also becomes Loreen’s drinking buddy when she becomes understandably upset about the state of her marriage.

RELATED: MBTI® of Girls Characters

Hufflepuffs aren’t known to be worriers and Elijah is by far the least neurotic member of his group. He’s too busy having fun. Life’s a party and even if he’s not invited, Elijah will just crash.

3 Desi Harperin – Slytherin

Desi is an actor whose greatest performance is pretending to give a hoot about other people. He and fellow actor Adam seem to be in competition as to who is the flakiest, but at least Adam cares about his romantic partners before he leaves them, like when he paid for Jessa’s school. On the other hand, Desi is nothing but a taker like when he took $2000 dollars of his and Marnie’s money and spent it on guitar pedals. Or when he refused to let them sell merch on tour because it was too capitalist. While Desi doesn’t display a Slytherin’s outward cruelty—or business sense—there’s no doubting that he’s a snake in the grass.

2 Loreen Horvath – Ravenclaw

Loreen is a professor who tries to educate Hannah in the ways of adulthood. It was Loreen who made the decision to cut her daughter off financially, in the hopes that Hannah would learn to fend for herself. Ravenclaws are intelligent and independent, so it makes sense that they would their kids to be as well.

RELATED: Harry Potter: 15 Things You Didn’t Know About House Ravenclaw

Loreen is thrown for the ultimate loop when Tad comes out, and it leaves a wound that never fully heals. Like a good baby boomer, Loreen did everything she was supposed to and when that still didn’t work out, she becomes as lost as the most directionless millennial. But Loreen will always be a mom, as she showed in the series finale when she became Grandma-to-the-rescue, helping out with Hannah’s newborn. Loreen let Hannah in on a secret, that parenthood is hard work—who knew? To the bitter end, Loreen can always be counted on for some sound Ravenclaw advice.

1 Tad Horvath – Hufflepuff

Hufflepuffs are forever trying to keep the peace and Tad tries to keep his family life as conflict-free as possible. This dear-hearted dad calls his daughter “Hannah-Banana” and he expressed major reservations about no longer paying her bills. While their intentions are good, Hufflepuffs don’t always realize that coddling someone in the short-term will only hurt them in the long-term. Tad’s over-generosity towards Hannah is a major contribution to her lack of independence, according to Loreen—and the viewers.

Tad, like many a Hufflepuff, puts others before himself. However, when one represses their own needs and desires for too long, they tend to bubble to the surface in unexpected and inappropriate ways. After years of hiding his sexuality, Tad blurted out he was gay right before Loreen’s tenure party. From here, their marriage predictably went off the rails but Tad was able to keep an optimistic attitude and wound up in a happy, committed relationship. If Girls taught Tad anything, it’s that sometimes it’s okay to be a little bit selfish.

NEXT: Mad Men Character Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

2019-04-19 09:04:05

Liz Hersey

Orange is the New Black Inmates Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

In prison, it matters who you roll with. Not only does your crew keep you safe, but they also keep you sane. In Orange Is the New Black, the inmates of Litchfield form authentic bonds with each other, some stronger than any they’ve had on the outside. These intricate families are sometimes harmonious, but sometimes they clash like stripes and polka dots. The cage is full, the cage is full…with big personalities.

In Harry Potter, the students of Hogwarts know a thing of two about makeshift families. Like Litchfield, first years are divided into one of four houses—Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff. Friendships are forged, romances bloom, and rivalries thrive. While nobody gets shivved, wands can be just as deadly. So what if the inmates of OITNB were transferred to Hogwarts? What house would each woman find herself in? Would the families be split up? Here are the Inmates of Orange is the New Black Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.

10 Piper Chapman – Slytherin

Some prisoners smoke cigarettes, others smuggle in drugs, but Piper gets high on herself. She presents a mask of good intentions, but if anybody crosses her, Piper will show her true Slytherin snake skin. When Ruiz copied Piper’s panty-smuggling business, Piper devised a scheme to get her into trouble, resulting in Ruiz getting three to five years added to her sentence. This wasn’t Piper’s goal, but if she was capable of thinking about anyone else for a minute, she might have been able to foresee the consequences to her revenge plan. Like most Slytherins, Piper comes from privilege and deludes herself to the fact that Litchfield—and the world—doesn’t revolve around her.

Alas, Piper is hardly Lord Voldemort. She can be known to use her cunning for good. After Red starved her out of the kitchen, Piper found a way to make peace by giving Red a soothing lotion for her sore back. Yes, Piper was thinking of herself but her solution found a way to help Red as well. Though she may have layers, Piper is a pure-blooded Slytherin.

RELATED: Orange Is The New Black: 20 Things That Make No Sense About Piper

9 Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren – Hufflepuff

This former supermarket greeter has a smile and a bear hug for everyone she meets. What she lacks in personal space boundaries, Suzanne more than makes up for in Hufflepuff kindness. During Piper’s starvation, Suzanne gives her hot peppers in an effort to help her.

Suzanne possesses the classic Hufflepuff combination of loyalty and naïveté. This makes it easy for people to take advantage of her, like the ruthless Vee. She preyed upon Suzanne’s Hufflepuff values, maneuvering her into going after Vee’s enemies, like Poussey. However, while Suzanne may be easy to manipulate, she stands up for both herself and her friends. This is most dramatically illustrated when Suzanne felt spurned by Piper and responded by urinating in Piper’s cubicle. While Piper may no longer be “Dandelion”, Suzanne will always be a Hufflepuff—one not to be messed with.

RELATED: 5 Of The Best Relationships On Orange Is The New Black (And 5 Of The Worst)

8 Galina “Red” Reznikov – Slytherin

Most mama bears put their cubs before themselves. While Red fights tooth and nail for her “prison daughters”, she sees her matriarch role as a status symbol. She treats many of her family members like servants, getting them to rub her back or shave her legs. Slytherins care deeply about their appearance and Red’s kryptonite is her namesake hair dye.

Slytherins need a rival to beat and feel superior over. Draco Malfoy had Harry Potter. Red has had Pornstache, Vee, Piscatella, and Frieda, just to name a few. Her obsession with besting them has, at times, directly put her treasured family in danger. Slytherin Red always has to be at the top of the food chain, even if she’s there alone.

RELATED: MBTI® Of Orange Is The New Black Characters

7 Tasha “Taystee” Jefferson – Gryffindor

In Litchfield, Taystee brings the flavor. Her uproarious sense of humor breathes life into the prison and Taystee is well-liked. She’s also daring enough to speak up when others are too afraid, no matter how outrageous the request—like getting Fifty Shades of Grey in the library. As funny as she is, Taystee’s not just a clown; she knows how to be serious. She is the chosen negotiator during the prison riot. Like a true Gryffindor, Taystee is willing to put herself on the front lines of battle.

Unfortunately, Taystee also possesses a Gryffindor’s stubbornness. During the negotiation, she refuses to give an inch when Figureoa says all the demands will be met, with the exception of charging Bailey with Poussey’s murder. Taystee’s “daring, nerve, and chivalry” sets this Gryffindor apart.

RELATED: Orange Is The New Black: 10 Things That Need To Happen Before It Ends

6 Dayanara Diaz – Hufflepuff

Of all the inmates, nobody would benefit from a Hogwarts transfer more than Daya. She belongs in House Hufflepuff where kindness is embraced, not exploited. At Litchfield, inmates all but form a cue to take advantage of Daya, with her mother being first in line. Aleida dangles her affection just out of Daya’s reach, making her jump through hoops to get it.

Daya often gets swept up in schemes she has no desire to take part in, but doesn’t have the heart to say no. Most notably, this includes seducing creepy Pornstache in order to make him the fall guy for her pregnancy.

RELATED: 10 Plot Twists That Hurt Orange Is The New Black (And 10 That Saved It)

After getting a life sentence for killing CO Humphrey—another decision (somewhat) influenced by others—Daya becomes stone-cold and cutthroat. Not very Hufflepuffian, but this is the maximum security way and if anyone wants to be accepted, it’s Daya.

5 Gloria Mendoza – Ravenclaw

Like Red, Gloria is the matriarch of her prison family. However, that’s where their similarities end. Though Gloria can get crafty when she needs to, any sneakiness is deployed only for the sake of others. She displays a quick, Ravenclaw wit and expects her kids to as well. That goes for her prison daughters and her son on the outside.

Gloria’s toughness may border on harsh, but people are grateful to have her in their corner, even if it means the occasional verbal flogging. During the riot, when inmates were demanding Cheetos and tampons, Gloria was the one with the good sense to ask for amnesty. A hundred points for Ravenclaw!

RELATED: 20 Mistakes Fans Completely Missed In Orange Is The New Black

4 Lorna Morello Muccio – Hufflepuff

As Litchfield’s sweetheart, Lorna loves love. Whether it’s for her hubby Vinnie, occasional prison lover Nicky, or any of her prison sisters, Lorna showers them with affection and devotion. Piper noted that Lorna was the first person to be nice to her at Litchfield. Really, who else but a Hufflepuff would take care of prison rats?

Lorna can cross over from optimistic to delusional at the bat of a mascaraed eyelash. She doesn’t respond well when those delusions are shattered, as her ex-“fiancé”—they went on one date—can attest. Yes, the woman can make some supremely bad decisions. A prime example would be when she encouraged Suzanne to “be herself” by going off her medication. As ill-advised as this may be, everything Lorna does is in the name of Hufflepuff goodness.

RELATED: 14 Couples That Hurt Orange Is The New Black (8 That Saved It)

3 Tiffany “Pennsatucky” Doggett – Gryffindor

Though Pennsatucky has undergone one of the most dramatic characters shifts in the entire series, she has always remained a Gryffindor. She started off as a foul-mouthed religious fanatic who was as impulsive as she was dangerous. Offended by Piper’s rejection of her faith, Pennsatucky’s response is to attack her with a sharpened cross. This doesn’t go as planned and while Pennsatucky gets her teeth knocked out, she gets some sense knocked in.

Pennsatucky can still make the occasional terrible decision, like escaping prison with the evil CO Coates. But rashness aside, Pennsatucky never lost her sense of bravery. She worked up the courage to leave Coates and turn herself back in. That takes guts of Gryffindor steel.

RELATED: 11 Last-Minute Changes That Hurt Orange Is The New Black (And 9 That Saved It)

2 Alex Vause – Slytherin

When it comes to saving her own skin, cat-eyed Alex isn’t afraid to let the claws come out. This usually involves throwing someone under the bus. When she got busted for drug-running, Alex gave up every name she could, including Piper’s. Later in prison, Slytherin Alex managed to get Piper back under her thrall, only to rat their affair out to Piper’s fiancé Larry. Talk about using any means to achieve your ends.

While prison time can harden some, it softens Alex. She develops a conscience, showing real remorse after killing hitman Aydin in self defense. Her Slytherin romance with Piper even blossoms into something resembling functional. Piper becomes Alex’s top priority, but don’t be fooled. Alex still has her venom and will use it against anyone who threatens her woman.

RELATED: Orange Is The New Black: 20 Things That Make No Sense About Alex and Piper’s Relationship

1 Nicky Nichols – Gryffindor

Natasha Lyonne behind the scenes of Netflix’s “Orange is the New Black” Season 2. Photo credit: Ali Goldstein for Netflix.

As the Lothario of Litchfield, Nicky has had erotic encounters with many an inmate. Gryffindors are known for their hedonism and also their competitiveness. Nicky jumps at the chance to compete with Big Boo to see who can achieve the most sexual conquests. Though Nicky enjoys succumbing to lust whenever possible, she carries a real torch for Lorna and puts her first. It is a brave Gryffindor act to let go of the person you love. During the prison riot, Nicky encourages the pregnant Lorna to surrender to the SWAT team, unsure if they’ll ever be reunited.

Nicky is also a recovering heroin addict. Despite one setback, she has managed to stay sober throughout her entire prison sentence. This, combined with the love Nicky shows for her prison family, makes her a true Gryffindor hero.

NEXT: The Handmaid’s Tale Characters Sorted Into Hogwarts Houses

2019-04-16 03:04:45

Liz Hersey

Big Bang Theory Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

It’s time to bust out the comic books and Klingon Boggle because in the world of The Big Bang Theory, being a nerd is something to celebrate. The hit CBS sitcom, now in its final season, completely rewrote the narrative of geekdom, evolving it from a subculture into the mainstream. The show centers around the lives of four nerdy academics, and later their girlfriends. This group of friends has a lot in common with one another — most work in the scientific field and have earned their PhD. However, academic similarities aside, the Big Bang characters are distinctively unique in terms of their contrasting and, at times, clashing personalities.

RELATED: 25 Crazy Rules The Big Bang Theory Actors Have To Follow

Much of the Harry Potter series takes place at Hogwarts. All students possess magical powers, yet each individual has their own set of values, abilities, and flaws. What a fun experiment it would be if the Big Bang crew were to make the journey to Hogwarts. They would find that despite their shared love of physics and Star Trek, and would immediately be divided into one of Hogwarts’ houses — Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Slytherin.

10 Leonard Hofstadter – Hufflepuff

Anyone who can tolerate being Sheldon’s roommate has the patience of a saint. Or a Hufflepuff. Leonard catered to Sheldon’s demands for years, from chauffeuring him around to never watching his favorite show, Babylon 5, because Sheldon hates it. Hufflepuffs are sometimes known to be pushovers, and Leonard rarely stands up to Sheldon. He also showed his patience when it came to Penny. Leonard developed a mega-crush the moment he laid eyes on her and even when faced with overwhelming odds, he never gave up hope they would get together.

Of all his guy pals, Leonard is by far the most socially adept. Whereas Sheldon can be annoying, Howard obnoxious, and Raj terribly awkward, Leonard is easygoing and always pleasant to be around. He’d fit right in in the Hufflepuff common room.

9 Penny – Gryffindor

In her makeshift family, Penny is the black sheep. She doesn’t have any college degrees nor a comic book collection. It takes a certain level of Gryffindor nerve for Penny to remain in a group she doesn’t wholly fit into, casually deflecting cheap shots at her intelligence and inferences that she’s a dumb blonde.

While she may shrug off the occasional insult, when Penny really gets her buttons pushed… look out. Leonard even compared her temper to the Hulk’s. Penny is also one of the group’s bigger risk-takers. For a long time, she doggedly pursued a career as an actress and even quit her job as a waitress to further commit to acting. It takes the guts of a Gryffindor to star in a film titled Serial Ape-ist.

8 Sheldon Cooper – Ravenclaw

A high intelligence is a prerequisite for a Ravenclaw, so Sheldon fits rights it. He has an IQ of 187, a fact he’s only too eager to share. Sheldon earned his first PhD at the age of 16 and while that’s beyond impressive, blitzing through school didn’t help Sheldon with his social skills. His neediness and constant condescending makes people question why he has any friends at all.

RELATED: Big Bang Theory Season 7 May Have Teased Sheldon’s Ending

Being a certified genius is one thing; lording your intelligence over everyone else is another. Sheldon frequently belittles both Howard for not having a PhD and Penny, whom he perceives as dumb. Entry into the Ravenclaw common room requires a riddle as opposed to a password. It’s easy to picture Sheldon timing his fellow classmates on how long it takes them to answer the riddle and bragging about how he was faster.

7 Howard Wolowitz – Gryffindor

At the beginning of the series, none of the guys have had much success in the romance department, but that didn’t stop Howard from trying. His objectification of women was definitely cringeworthy and he should have been called to task more than he was. Still, underneath it all Howard meant well. He continually was rejected, which takes a certain amount of Gryffindor courage and in the end, it paid off when he married the love of his life, Bernadette.

Howard also showed bravery at his job. As an aerospace engineer, Howard had the opportunity for actual space travel. Howard was nervous about it, but nothing will stop a Gryffindor from going to outer space.

6 Rajesh “Raj” Koothrappali – Hufflepuff

For most Hufflepuffs, social interaction is as easy as pi. Not for Raj. For years he experienced selective mutism, only able to talk to women when drunk. His alcohol consumption, combined with his spoiled upbringing, could make Raj obnoxious to be around, but deep down he has an enormous Hufflepuff heart. He can show an incredible amount of empathy, like when he was on a date with Lucy, who also suffers from social anxiety.

Of all the houses, Hufflepuffs are the most malleable and when Raj found out Lucy thought he was feminine, he went over-the-top to prove his masculinity. Raj really seems to value his sense of belonging to the group and arranges fun activities for everyone, like murder mystery night or the legendary scavenger hunt.

5 Bernadette Rostenkowski – Slytherin

Bernadette may talk like Minnie Mouse and look like a Disney princess, but she has revealed herself to be a villain on more than one occasion. Slytherins are hyper-competitive and when it comes to games, Howard describes playing with Bernadette like being in a “steel cage with a wolverine”. When partnered with Leonard in the scavenger hunt, she berated him for his lack of focus and went so far as to concoct a bald-faced lie about Penny to get Leonard’s head back in the game.

RELATED: Big Bang Theory May Give Howard & Bernadette A FRIENDS Ending

As a microbiologist for a major pharmaceutical company, Bernadette is the breadwinner of her household and as a result, makes occasional emasculating comments to Howard. But Bernadette isn’t all viciousness and competition. She truly loves her husband and their two kids and cares about her friends.

4 Amy Farrah Fowler – Ravenclaw

Amy and Sheldon are the perfect match in many ways, particularly in their approach to interpersonal relationships. When they first met, Amy displayed the emotions of a robot and had a Luna Lovegood ability to point out “uncomfortable truths”. Eventually, Amy developed a warmer, more affectionate personality. However, she didn’t totally shed her Ravenclaw awkwardness.

Though she doesn’t brag about her braininess like Sheldon, Amy is quite intelligent. At Hogwarts, Amy would be a whiz at Potions, impressing even Severus Snape. Though she doesn’t share all of Sheldon’s pop culture passions, Amy is a fangirl in her own Ravenclaw right. She goes gaga for Chaucer and Little House on the Prairie and has even been known to write her own steamy Little House fan-fiction.

3 Stuart Bloom – Hufflepuff

Owning a comic book shop isn’t the most lucrative business. It’s really a labor of love for Stuart and labor he does, with a Hufflepuff-level work ethic. This leaves little time for a personal life and as a result, Stuart is often lonely. He frequently expresses a desire to be part of the group.

Of all the houses, Hufflepuffs possess the least amount of confidence, as demonstrated when Stuart expressed an attraction to Amy because she didn’t look at him with “hatred or contempt”. Their second and final date was interrupted by Sheldon asking Amy to be his girlfriend. Stuart still saw the rest of the date through and walked her home, ever the gentlemanly Hufflepuff.

2 Beverly Hofstadter – Slytherin

Beverly Hofstadter is an esteemed neuroscientist and psychiatrist who hasn’t allowed something as banal as motherhood to interfere with her career. When Leonard was growing up, she treated him as a science experiment. This may sound like the intellectual curiosity of a Ravenclaw, but Beverly has a mean, manipulative streak. She vocalized harsh but true observations about Penny’s relationship with her father, reducing Penny to tears. Beverly then preyed on Penny’s vulnerability so she could psychoanalyze her.

Beverly often expresses disappointment in Leonard for not achieving the same level of success as his siblings. In other words, she wants her children to be pure-blooded Slytherins, not mediocre Hufflepuffs.

1 Mary Cooper – Hufflepuff

The gang is always happy when Mary Cooper comes to town. She is so full of warmth and motherly love that Leonard in particular gravitates toward her, embracing the affection he never received from his own mother. Anyone whose dominant trait is kindness undoubtedly belongs in Hufflepuff House.

In addition to her big heart and home-cooking, the group is especially grateful for Mary’s skills as the “Sheldon whisperer”. Even if Sheldon is being more impossible than usual, Mary has the ability to reign him in. Sometimes a Hufflepuff death-stare can speak volumes over a Slytherin insult.

NEXT: The Big Bang Theory Should End With A Flashforward

2019-04-13 11:04:56

Liz Hersey

Silicon Valley Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

Silicon Valley is a technology mecca, where their innovations affect and morph the entire world. Yet the valley itself is an insular world unto its own. This is captured perfectly in HBO’s Silicon Valley. The show features software designer Richard Hendrix and his pals navigating the perilous world of the tech industry. Obstacles lie at every turn, in the form of competitive engineers and conniving CEOs. Even annoying roommates prove to be threats.

The powerful yet isolated world of Silicon Valley is not unlike Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Harry Potter. Its students have precious little contact with the outside world, yet are learning magic and fighting battles that have a global impact. Also like Silicon Valley, Hogwarts students have an array of personalities that mesh or clash as they interact.

What would happen if the Silicon Valley crew showed up at Hogwarts? Tradition dictates that they would need to attend the Sorting Hat ceremony—after they finish hooking the castle up with WiFi, that is. Which houses would Richard and co. be sorted into—Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Slytherin, or Ravenclaw? Here are Silicon Valley Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.

10 Richard Hendricks – Gryffindor

Child bullies have reduced this man to tears. Public speaking makes him vomit. So why on earth is Richard in Gryffindor, the bravest of all the houses? Because he takes risks. Richard had an opportunity for some easy money when Gavin Belson wanted to buy Pied Piper for ten-million dollars. Instead, Richard made an enemy out of Gavin by turning him down and taking another offer to run Pied Piper himself.

The faint-hearted side of Richard likely regrets this decision every day. It has led to no shortage of roadblocks, headaches, and foibles all of which have been a gem for the viewers. But even though he doesn’t realize this about himself, Richard thrives when the chips are down. It forces him to make bold choices and be impulsive. Sometimes this blows up in his face in epic proportions, but it’s this Gryffindor spirit that has kept Pied Piper alive and made Richard one of Silicon Valley‘s most (unlikely) dangerous players.

9 Donald “Jared” Dunn – Hufflepuff

To survive the blood sport that is the tech business, having a solid right-hand man is key. Inspired by Richard’s bravery to not sell Pied Piper, Jared went all-in, declaring his allegiance to Richard. Over the course of five seasons, that loyalty has never shifted, even when Jared has disagreed with some of Richard’s more unethical decisions. A loyalty of this caliber points to no other house but a Hufflepuff.

In addition to tripping over himself in a never-ending effort to make Richard happy, Jared is also a huge asset to Pied Piper. The other members of the team are all tech-guys, but Jared knows leaps and bounds about business and H/R. He has such a strong Hufflepuff work ethic that there are times Jared will only go to sleep when Richard orders him to. Jared also lived a mysterious, traumatic childhood which he casually mentions in an upbeat tone the way only a Hufflepuff can.

8 Bertram Gilfoyle – Ravenclaw

Gilfoyle is a satanist who makes a merry sport out of making Dinesh’s life hell. Why isn’t he a Slytherin? Because this is not what defines Gilfoyle. Sure, he enjoys being a mischievous imp but his shenanigans are akin to a coffee break. Just something to do.

Gilfoyle identifies himself as a “master coder” above all else. He is cool as a Ravenclaw cucumber about his impressive abilities. The only time anyone has seen him sweat is when it was revealed he had possibly made a hacking mistake that could ruin Pied Piper. He tore his office, home, and world apart in an effort to prove he didn’t make the mistake. He was vindicated, both as a Pied Piper member and as a Ravenclaw.

7 Dinesh Chugtai – Hufflepuff

The tragic fate of the Hufflepuff is that they’re always seen as lesser than the other three houses. This can get under some Hufflepuff’s skin, and it certainly does for Dinesh. He’s often in some juvenile competition with Gilfoyle, whether it’s over sheer wit, coding aptitude, or ability to flirt with women. Dinesh loses more often than not.

Unfortunately, Hufflepuff Dinesh can also be quite gullible. At TechCrunch Disrupt, Dinesh thought he found the woman of his dreams based on the code she wrote. It turned out to just be a big prank, as it was Gilfoyle who wrote the code. After being the butt of the joke time and again, one would think Dinesh would give in. Never gonna happen. Dinesh gets knocked down more than anyone, but he keeps popping back up like an optimistic Whack-A-Mole.

RELATED: Silicon Valley Season 6 Production Delayed, May Not Air Until 2020

6 Erlich Bachman – Gryffindor

Erlich Bachman is an attention-seeking buffoon who made a few good plays during his time in the tech industry. The best was investing in his incubator, or “Hacker Hostel”, so actual brilliant minds could work for his company. Cherry-picking your way to the top may point to a Slytherin, but Erlich lacks the desire or ability to screw anybody over. At least on purpose. His main motivation is to acquire all the glamorous trappings of a tech-billionaire—the car, the clothes, the women. Whereas a Slytherin’s motto would be, “I want to destroy you,” Gryffindor Erlich’s is, “look at me, look at me, look at me!”

5 Nelson “Big Head” Bighetti – Hufflepuff

As delightful as they are, Hufflepuffs aren’t known for their intellect. That means he’s in the right house, because Big Head has none. What he does have is an unwavering ability to go with the flow. Other houses want to be in the driver’s seat but Hufflepuffs are comfortable just sitting back and being the passenger. Whenever Big Head gets a piece of news, good or bad, he meets in with a shrug of the head and a nonchalant “okay.” Maybe an extra sip of his Big Gulp.

RELATED: Harry Potter: 15 Things You Need To Know About Hufflepuff

Going with the flow has served Big Head well. By virtue of doing nothing, Big Head finds himself living in a mansion and owning a boat. That’s a pretty sweet deal compared to Richard, the CEO of a major company who still bunks with the other dudes at the Hacker Hostel. While Big Head will never be a visionary, his inoffensive Hufflepuff demeanor means he doesn’t have any enemies either. Sometimes the nice guys kind of win.

4 Gavin Belson – Slytherin

When Hogwarts was founded thousands of years ago, Salazar Slytherin looked into the future and declared that Slytherin House was made for people like Gavin Belson. The Hooli CEO has long since had his soul digitally removed to make room for more ego. Gavin surrounds himself with an army of sycophants who are so terrified of upsetting him that nobody mentions anything when Gavin’s logo—his name, obviously—on The Box III: Signature Edition looks more than a little phallic.

Though the latest season did see Gavin getting a comeuppance for his bad behavior, it’s a wonder he’s been such a titan in the industry for so long. He uses money and power to buy allies, only to cast them aside like an out-of-date Mac Book whenever he has no more use for them. What Gavin lacks in conscience, he makes up for in Slytherin callousness.

3 Monica Hall – Hufflepuff

Not everyone in Silicon Valley is known for their people skills, making Monica a rare breed. She works on the business side of the industry, proving herself to be a loyal asset to Peter Gregory and later, Laurie Bream. Monica often serves as a liaison between her bosses and their tech companies, bearing the brunt of frequent clashes of ego. Only a patient Hufflepuff could endure this often thankless job without ripping their hair out. Likely nobody outside the Silicon Valley bubble knows Monica’s name, as Hufflepuffs often don’t get enough credit for the work they do. While Smokation users may condemn Monica’s part-time nicotine vice, if anyone deserves the occasional puff, it’s her.

2 Laurie Bream – Ravenclaw

Have you ever met somebody so devoid of emotion that you’ve questioned if they’re part-robot? Chances are they’re a Ravenclaw. Laurie Bream certainly is. She’s at the top of her field and didn’t get there by indulging in conversational frills like asking somebody how their day is going. She is a machine of braininess and no obstacle is great enough to stop her from working. This is a woman who birthed a child and went back to the office the same day.

While she doesn’t always show her appreciation, Laurie knows she has a great business partner in Monica. Monica provides a friendly face to the company that Laurie isn’t physically capable of making. Smiles are for the idle—and the human—and Ravenclaw Laurie has work to do.

1 Jian-Yang – Slytherin

Jian-Yang may seem like a harmless oddball—seriously, how could the creator of a hot dog-identifying app be a threat? But one would be foolish to underestimate this Machiavellian tech-bandit. He showed no loyalty to Erlich, taking advantage of his disappearance to take over Hacker Hostel and claim a share in the Pied Piper company. When that failed, Jian-Yang tried to sell a copy of Pied Piper’s algorithm to the Chinese market. There’s no question, Jian-Yang is a Slytherin. Not a hot dog.

NEXT: Mad Men Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

2019-04-12 11:04:29

Liz Hersey

Sons of Anarchy Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

To an outsider, the SAMCRO biker gang may seem like nothing more than a pack of fiendish, violent criminals. This observation isn’t entirely inaccurate, but the characters of Sons of Anarchy are so much more. Primarily they’re a family, albeit one who settles their disagreements with knives and guns. Though SAMCRO has enough outside enemies to fill a phone book, most of their problems stem from internal dissonance. Unity is never fully achieved because every member is so different, which leads to warring views on the ultimate desire for the club’s trajectory.

On the surface, Sons of Anarchy, in all its bloody, R-rated glory, couldn’t be more different from Harry Potter, one of the world’s most popular children’s franchises. Really, the only similarity is that Hagrid bears a resemblance to Bobby Elvis—and even drives a flying motorcycle. However, Harry Potter also features “gangs” or cliques by way of the four Hogwarts houses. Like Sons, these houses are “like family”, but still have their fair share of infighting.

What would happen if the Sons made the long ride to Hogwarts and crashed the Sorting Hat Ceremony? They’re all outlaws, but that doesn’t mean everyone from SAMCRO is a dirty, rotten Slytherin—though the Death Eaters would make a fabulous name for a biker gang. Here is the Sons of Anarchy Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.

10 Jackson “Jax” Teller – Gryffindor

Nobody’s rebel yell was louder than Jax Teller’s. What truly made Jax a revolutionary isn’t that he eschewed civilian life; it’s the fact that he wanted to return to it, both for the sake of the club and his actual family. The series started with Jax discovering the memoirs of his late father, John Teller, which detailed his vision for SAMCRO, namely to put the club back on the path of the straight and narrow. Jax set out to finish what his father started. This is the impetus for every conflict in the entire series. Jax being brave enough to launch this plan in the first place is what makes him a Gryffindor. That, and his stubborn refusal to back down from any dissenting opinions.

While Jax may have had civvy ideals for the club, the outlaw life was in his bones. He could be hotheaded and reactionary—typical Gryffindor—making rash decisions based on emotion rather than logic. This is best illustrated in the show’s last season, when Jax abandoned his vision in order to seek revenge for Tara’s death. His eventual symbolic suicide was his grandest act of Gryffindor defiance.

RELATED: Sons Of Anarchy: 20 Things Wrong With Jax We All Chose To Ignore

9 Gemma Teller Morrow – Slytherin

SAMCRO’s matriarch didn’t earn her way to the top of the food chain by playing nice. Gemma placed a premium on family loyalty and fancied herself as protector to those she holds dear. She did not think twice about punching, stabbing, or shooting anyone who threatened her loved ones. This may sound like the behavior of a particularly savage Hufflepuff, but as much as Gemma loved her family, she loved herself even more. When she and Clay fell for each other, the couple conspired to have John Teller killed so they could be together. But Gemma’s greatest act of betrayal was brutally murdering Tara after she falsely believed Tara was a federal informant, then lying about it and causing a ton of unnecessary bloodshed.

RELATED: Sons Of Anarchy: 20 Crazy Revelations About Clay And Gemma’s Relationship

As described by the house motto, Slytherins are “cunning folk who use any means”. Gemma more than fit the bill.

8 Tara Knowles – Ravenclaw

If Ravenclaws had Muggle jobs, doctor would be the most common by far. Tara was at the top of her field as a pediatric resident and also helped to heal injured members of SAMCRO. Her surname couldn’t be more appropriate because beyond her medical smarts, Tara was able to think on her feet and deploy effective strategy to any situation. If she wanted to, Tara could have been a sharp Slytherin, but despite her guile, Tara always put others before herself. This was proven when the club was at a particularly low point and she decided to announce her engagement to Jax in order to boost morale.

RELATED: The MBTI® Of Sons Of Anarchy Characters

Even when she had to make dangerous, hurtful choices like fleeing Charming and leaving Jax, Tara made them out of love for her kids and a desire for them to have a normal life. It just goes to show that in the SAMCRO life, even the smart die young.

7 Alexander “Tig” Trager – Gryffindor

Tig’s philosophy is to shoot first, ask questions never. The man never met an impulse itch he didn’t scratch. This could make him a liability at times but also a valuable asset. In the heat of battle, only a Gryffindor mind would think to bite his opponent on the face, something Tig did more than once.

Both a fighter and a lover, Tig has a proclivity for casual sex. He shows no restraint when it comes to listening to his carnal desires, with the exception of a brief, ill-advised encounter with Gemma. Tig never fails to astound SAMCRO with his wild behavior, but the final season saw the Gryffindor provocateur fall in love and settle down. This is almost as shocking as Tig, of all people, making it out of Sons of Anarchy alive.

RELATED: Sons Of Anarchy: 10 Characters Who Can Appear In Mayans M.C.(And 10 Who Never Should)

6 Robert “Bobby Elvis” Munson – Ravenclaw

As former Secretary and Vice President of the club, Bobby was indisputably SAMCRO’s smartest member. He was Jax’s biggest ally in turning the club legitimate, a pursuit Bobby never lost focus on, even when Jax did. Though loyal to SAMCRO, Bobby wasn’t afraid to vocalize his opinions, even when they were unpopular. His was the lone “nay” vote against killing Clay.

Unlike trigger-happy Tig, Bobby always kept a cool, Ravenclaw head, choosing logic over violence. That’s why it’s so tragically ironic that the one member who didn’t believe in “an eye for an eye” lost his own and later, his life. The Sons of Anarchy death toll is staggering but Bobby’s death in particular had viewers all shook up.

RELATED: Ranked: Every Major Death On Sons Of Anarchy

5 Filip “Chibs” Telford – Ravenclaw

Chibs was a stalwart SAMCRO father figure, especially for younger members of the club like Jax and Juice. Though he isn’t afraid to get blood on his hands, Chibs prefers a less violent approach to club business. In this respect, he’s similar to Bobby, but whereas Bobby is peaceful, Chibs is pragmatic. Jax felt guilty when a SAMCRO gun was used in a school shooting and immediately wanted to get out of the gunrunning business, but Chibs was insistent that they needed to finish selling off their inventory.

Clay Morrow was SAMCRO president because he betrayed his best friend; Jax Teller got in on legacy; Chibs is the current president because he earned it, with wisdom and rational decision-making. As Rowena Ravenclaw said, “Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure”.

RELATED: 10 Rules SAMCRO Members Have To Follow On Sons Of Anarchy (And 10 They Love To Break)

4 Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz – Gryffindor

Oh, Juicy Boy. The young lad spent most of the series flip-flopping from self-sacrifice out of loyalty to the club to betraying them to suit his own means. This makes him sound like the first Hufflepuff-Slytherin ever, a rather bizarre hybrid. However, no matter which side of the loyalty/betrayal coin Juice fell, he always made his choices with feckless, Gryffindor abandon.

RELATED: Sons Of Anarchy: 20 Storylines The Writers Want Us To Forget

Before his dramatic downward spiral, Juice showed real intelligence as the club’s computer hacker. However, his savvy tech skills were often overshadowed by dumb, hasty decisions. A prime example would be during a B&E mission, when Juice fed crystal meth to the guard dogs, thinking it would calm them down. It did not, as the resulting bite marks on Tig’s buttocks can attest.

Juice both ran from his problems and was determined to pay for them tenfold, making him a total Gryffindor paradox.

3 Clarence “Clay” Morrow – Slytherin

It’s fitting that Slytherin’s main color is green, because Clay and Gemma were two peas in a power-hungry pod. But where Gemma controlled behind the scenes, Clay liked to peacock his power, especially over junior members of the club. He showed as much when sleeping with Cherry because prospect Half-Sack had a crush on her. A move like that is straight out of the Slytherin playbook.

Clay was responsible for the deaths of the two founding members of SAMCRO, John Teller and Piney Winston, making Clay the biggest turncoat the club has ever seen. Much like the Malfoys, Clay would stab anyone in the back—or the front—to save his own skin. This left him with a pile of enemies and the SAMCRO vote to kill him was almost unanimous. It was really only a matter of time before Mr. Morrow met Mr. Mayhem.

RELATED: Sons Of Anarchy: 20 Things Clay Did Before Season One

2 Harry “Opie” Winston – Hufflepuff

Hufflepuffs know what it means to take one for the team and Opie spent the entire series doing just that. In Season 1, Opie was just released from prison after taking a fall for the club. He chose to stay, even though SAMCRO robbed him of five years with his family. The hits kept on coming for Opie, when Tig killed his wife by mistake, leaving Opie emotionally paralyzed.

As the son of one of SAMCRO’s founding fathers, club life was all Opie knew. He showed loyalty to the bitter, heartbreaking end when he refused to let Jax sacrifice himself in prison, and chose to die in Jax’s place in a four-one fight.

SAMCRO lives by the words “ride free or die”. Hufflepuff Opie was never free and ultimately chose the latter.

RELATED: What The Sons Of Anarchy Cast Are Doing Now (2019)

1 Wendy Case – Hufflepuff

Wendy is perhaps the most reckless Hufflepuff ever. She consumed narcotics during her pregnancy. She threatened Tara with a custody suit. But underneath her self-destructive exterior, Wendy is just a loving Hufflepuff who aspires to be a good mom. Despite being severely mistreated by both Jax and Gemma, she kept both of them in her life because she considered them family.

After going to rehab, Wendy returned and proved to be one of the most stable, non-violent members of the show, being one of the only major characters who has never killed anyone. She was one of the only people to make it out of the SAMCRO world alive. Hufflepuff Wendy survived because, in the end, she chose a life of order rather than anarchy.

2019-04-12 03:04:30

Liz Hersey

Stranger Things Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

If someone were to say they didn’t like Stranger Things, you’d probably think they were from the Upside Down. This Netflix sleeper hit came out of nowhere and positively dominated the pop culture landscape. Maybe it’s a love of ’80s culture; the show’s chock full of it, from its nostalgic soundtrack and cultural throwbacks to its adult stars, like Winona Ryder and Matthew Modine, whose careers took off in the 1980s.

While viewers love a good blast from the past, what really makes people geek out over Stranger Things is its complementary combo of the sci-fi/horror genre blended with its fresh yet relatable coming-of-age subplots. There’s something about characters battling both literal and hormonal monsters that just works.

Another pop culture phenomenon with similar themes would be Harry Potter. Its central characters also experience youthful rites-of-passage while simultaneously trying to ward off magical bad guys who want to kill them. If Mike, Eleven, and friends showed up at Hogwarts, they’d immediately be enlisted in the fight against Voldemort… or upper-year bullies. Whatever comes first. So why not see where the gang from Hawkins, Indiana fits in in the Potterverse? Here are Stranger Things Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.

RELATED: Harry Potter: Best And Worst Traits From Each Hogwarts House

10 Mike Wheeler – Hufflepuff

There are fewer things more valuable in life than having a buddy like Mike Wheeler. Should the badger go extinct, Mike would make a great replacement mascot for Hufflepuff as he wholeheartedly embodies the loyalty that this house values above all else. Who else would literally jump off a cliff in the name of friendship as Mike did when bullies threatened Dustin?

RELATED: Stranger Things 3: The Game Wants Players To Embrace Retro Gaming

Mike also shows a Hufflepuff’s compassion and willingness to trust, as demonstrated when he and the boys first encountered Eleven. Whereas Dustin treated her like a magical dog and Lucas saw her as a threat, Mike just saw a scared girl with nowhere to go. He opened his home to Eleven, and later his heart, leading to many “aw shucks” moments.

9 Eleven – Gryffindor

While Eleven may have been traumatized by her stint in Hawkins Lab, she’s definitely no shrinking violet. She’s a quick-tempered Gryffindor through and through. At the drop of a hat, she’ll use her telekinetic powers against anything that ticks her off. Just ask the bully with the broken arm or Hopper’s Eggo-splattered walls.

RELATED: Stranger Things Theory: Eleven Will See The “Future” In Season 3

New to civilian life, Eleven hasn’t fully grasped human complexity and tends to categorize people as either “friends” or “mouthbreathers”. She possesses Gryffindor-level bravery when it comes to protecting the former as demonstrated when she sacrificed herself to the Upside Down in order to save Mike (and the rest of Hawkins) from the Demogorgon.

8 Jim Hopper – Gryffindor

Jim Hopper was a broken man, haunted by the death of his young daughter. He numbed his pain with booze and women. When Will Byers went missing, the Gryffindor fighter in Chief Hopper woke up. In the blink of an eye, he went from apathetic policeman to rough and tumble, take-no-prisoners hero. Even as a lawman, Hopper wasn’t above breaking the rules. Why waste time getting a piddly little warrant when you can just throw a punch?

RELATED: 10 Things We Learned So Far About Season 3 From All The Stranger Things Teasers and Trailers

When hiding Eleven in his home, the two brushed up against each other the way only two hotheaded Gryffindors can – lots of raised voices and telepathically flying furniture. But despite this quarreling, Hopper has nothing but a father’s love for Eleven. He’d protect her – or any of the Hawkins kids -with his life.

7 Lucas Sinclair – Slytherin

Despite their bad reputation in Harry Potter, Slytherins have their merits, as illustrated by Lucas. In his crew, Lucas is by far the most critical thinker. Though his initial treatment of Eleven was at times petty and cruel, it made sense for him to be skeptical of her motives. Keep in mind that unlike the audience, the boys didn’t know Eleven’s backstory when they met her so she very well could have been as dangerous as Lucas thought.

RELATED: The 10 Most Powerful Spells In Dungeons & Dragons

When Lucas and his pals are first introduced playing Dungeons & Dragons, he expresses a desire to cheat at the game. Forgoing morality in favor of selfish gains more than points to a Slytherin. However, Season 2 saw Lucas softening his hard outer shell, especially toward his crush Max. Still, no matter how sweet Lucas is, his shrewd Slytherin judgment makes him the most likely of his friends to remain alive.

6 Dustin Henderson – Ravenclaw

When emotions run high in his group of friends, Dustin maintains a Switzerland-level neutrality. This was proven when Mike and Lucas almost come to blows over their conflict about Eleven. Dustin was the one who got them to bury the hatchet. This levelheadedness is indicative of a Ravenclaw, as is his scientific curiosity. When the gang needs to build a sensory deprivation tank, Dustin is the most logical choice to ask Mr. Clarke for instructions. Sometimes Dustin is curious to a fault, like when he kept Dart, a dangerous Upside Down creature, as a pet.

RELATED: Stranger Things Theory: Season 3’s New Monster Is [SPOILER]

On occasion, Dustin can show a Ravenclaw’s lack of social awareness, such as when he called Mr. Wheeler useless right to his face – even though Dustin is just saying what the fans are thinking. Yes, Dustin can be socially clueless but more often than not, his bumblings make him sympathetic. When realizing he was out of his depth when it came to girls, Dustin turned to Steve for assistance, leading to a fan-favorite bromance.

5 Will Byers – Hufflepuff

A talented artist and by far the shyest kid in his class, Will is frequently the target of bullying. This is exacerbated when Will returns from the Upside Down after everyone thought he was dead, and other kids call him “Zombie Boy”.

RELATED: Where You Recognize The Stranger Things Cast From

Hufflepuffs are selfless peacekeepers as Will shows when he keeps quiet about his disturbing visions of the Upside Down, not wanting to cause his family any more stress. Will is constantly putting the needs and wants of others ahead of his own, as a true Hufflepuff would do. Even when playing D&D with his friends, Will will sacrifice himself if it helps others on their quest.

4 Joyce Byers – Gryffindor

When it comes to protecting her kids, there is no warrior more noble than Joyce Byers. Even when faced with mounting evidence that Will was dead, Joyce listened to her mother’s instinct and persevered on her mission to bring her boy home. No matter the damage to her reputation or personal property – the woman took an ax to her house – Joyce doesn’t give up.

RELATED: 10 Shows To Watch If You Like Stranger Things

Her Gryffindor propensity to take risks carried over to Season 2. When the parasitic Mind Flayer infected Will’s body, Joyce drove it out by forcing intense heat upon the cold-blooded Shadow Monster, even though it appeared that Will was the only one in pain. A fainter-hearted person wouldn’t be able to stomach hurting a child, particularly their own son, but Joyce is ever the valiant Gryffindor.

3 Jonathan Byers – Ravenclaw

For a teenage boy in Hawkins, Indiana, Jonathan is considered to be a bit of an odd duck. Most of his peers spend their spare time going to the big game or pounding beers, but Jonathan keeps to himself, honing his photography skills and dreaming of attending NYU. A Ravenclaw lone wolf to the core, Jonathan didn’t ask anyone to help him locate Will, preferring to conduct his mission solo.

RELATED: Stranger Things Was Almost Completely Different Before Netflix

Eventually, he found an ally in Nancy and as a team, they were instrumental in bringing Will back. Jonathan harbored romantic feelings for Nancy that he predictably did not vocalize. However, despite Jonathan’s introverted nature, these star-crossed lovers became an official couple in Season 2.

2 Nancy Wheeler – Gryffindor

There’s more to this bookish girl-next-door than meets the eye. Nancy’s rebellious side didn’t take long to come out when she lied to her parents and shrugged off bestie Barb’s misgivings about spending the night with Steve. That very night, Barb got sucked into the Upside Down and Nancy was wracked with guilt.

RELATED: Buffy The Vampire Slayer Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses

As a Gryffindor, Nancy felt the immediate need to take action, working with Jonathan to find both Barb and Will. While investigating, Nancy found a portal to the Upside Down, which she entered without a moment’s hesitation, almost getting killed by the Demogorgon. When she found out about Barb’s death, Nancy wanted to expose the lab for unleashing the Upside Down in the first place, leading to more daring behavior. All that’s missing is the Marauder’s Map.

1 Steve Harrington – Hufflepuff

How can this cocky jock who purposefully broke Jonathan’s camera be a Hufflepuff? True, Steve initially put up a cool, Slytherin front but it wasn’t long into his relationship with Nancy that his walls broke down. Steve sought redemption, not just to win Nancy back, but because he knew his actions were wrong. He replaced the camera and personally apologized to Jonathan. Steve even stayed behind to fight the Demogorgon out of loyalty to the boy he wronged and the girl he loves.

Steve has no personal connection to the Upside Down but repeatedly puts himself in harm’s way to help the others battle its many monstrous creatures. This isn’t out of some need for a Gryffindor adrenaline rush, but because Steve wants to help. Mainly out of his feelings for Nancy but he also develops a unique friendship with Dustin. Even when all is well – or seems to be – Steve proves to be a true-blue friend to Dustin, giving him hair-styling tips and driving him to the school dance.

On the Nancy front, Steve is a long way from the reunion he wants. But he has a Hufflepuff’s patience and optimism so it’s likely he won’t lose hope.

NEXT: 10 Shows To Binge-Watch This Summer

2019-04-11 09:04:40

Liz Hersey