With the holiday season fast approaching, we fondly look back at when Macaulay Culkin got to play the world’s smartest 8-year-old, Kevin McCallister, in two of the greatest Christmas movies to ever deck our halls: Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
While Kevin may have had a baby-face and a mile-wide smile, he was no angel and proved with his wit and imagination that no burglar could outsmart him (at least not the Wet/Sticky bandits). Despite his motives to defend himself, his home, and a sizable donation to a children’s hospital, some of Kevin’s tactics were down-right deadly. Here’s a ranked list of how deadly this Christmas- menace’s traps really were.
10 Paint can to the face
The fact that a full paint-can knocking a person in the head, and sending them flying down a few stairs in the process, is ranked last in this list should let you know how sinister Kevin truly was. In the first film, when the bandits try to follow Kevin up the stairs, he launches a pair of paint-cans over the banister and lands direct hits on both of them.
While perhaps not deadly, although it certainly could be, both of these morons should have been knocked out cold by this trap. Not to mention, Harry lost his beloved gold tooth.
9 Tool chest down the stairs
In case you weren’t aware of it, tool chests are heavy. Really heavy. Another classic trap involving a flight of stairs finds Kevin once again taunting the wanna-be burglars to chase after him.
Unfortunately, when Harry pulls a door-handle leading to the stairs and finds a rope attached to it, he unknowingly triggers a full tool chest to roll down the stairs and smash himself and Marv into the opposite wall. The result may have only been some broken noses for the duo, but this particular booby-trap could’ve turned out a whole lot worse.
8 Blow torch to the head
Perhaps it wasn’t deadly, especially since Harry wasn’t dipped in kerosene first (we’re getting to it) and it only scorched the top of his ski-cap, but considering the fact that Kevin used what looked like a blow-torch on steroids for this particular trap, it’s conclusive to say that Harry got lucky.
When the shorter of the wet-bandits successfully makes his way into the McCallister home, he does so pretty easily going through a simple unlocked door, only to find the door rigged with said jacked-up blow-torch. Luckily he had some snow to dip his scalp into, but had the taller of the wet-bandits decided to try that particular door? Very different story.
7 Cut zip-line to the treehouse
Two and a half story fall? Check. Slam into the side of a brick wall in the process? Check. Getting into the more lethal traps set by the youngest McCallister, Marv even says when they appear at the window with the rope leading to Kevin’s treehouse that maybe the kid committed suicide by jumping out of it.
Stupid idea, but he was spot on that a fall from that height would do a decent amount of damage. To add injury to injury, when the moronic burglars try crossing the rope to get to the treehouse, Kevin cuts them loose, and they smash into the outside of a solid brick fireplace. Take your time getting up guys, that one hurt.
6 Pipe to the face
Don’t you remember what happened at trap number 10? No? Well, you got smacked in the face with a paint can and sent down several stairs. So how would a child make this already dangerous trap even more deadly? Use the paint cans as a diversion and hit them with a lead pipe instead. When the sticky bandits come to another flight of stairs, they’re prepared for Kevin’s trap and cleverly dodge the flying jugs.
Bad news for them, Kevin’s smarter than that too and followed it up with a lead-pipe encore, knocking the burglars down not just a few stairs, but an entire story. Even better, Kevin cuts the pipe free and lands one more hit on the idiots. Right in the schnoz!
5 Bricks thrown from Four stories up
Somebody tell the MLB to get Kevin McCallister on the phone! The kid landed not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 direct hits from 4 stories up! Regardless of how impressive the act may have been, the trap itself was beyond lethal if Kevin had decided to throw even one brick.
To be fair, this wasn’t Marv’s fault since Harry kept egging Kevin on, but the fact of the matter is that the taller sticky bandit must have the hardest head of any criminal in America to be able to take that many bricks to the face and stay out of a hospital bed.
4 100lbs of plaster falling several stories
The Kevin from the original Home Alone was a walk in the park compared to the Kevin who had access to New York City resources, attaching a 100lb bag of plaster to a rope leading several stories down to the basement as one of his traps. When Marv walks up to the rope and pulls on it to see if it’ll hold him, it understandably doesn’t budge.
But once Marv tries to start climbing, putting his entire weight on the rope, the 100lb bag makes the several story drop and explodes against the burglar’s head. The movie may have shown just a puffy, white plaster cloud as a result, but in real life, this 100lb trap would’ve done some severely lethal damage.
3 Set rope on fire
What’s deadlier than a two and a half story drop into a brick wall? How about a three and a half story drop into some paint cans after somebody tries to set you on fire? Kevin really stepped up his pyromaniac skills in the second movie by luring the bandits to the roof and then coaxing them to climb a rope all the way back down to catch him.
As soon as the already battle-worn burglars start shimmying down, Kevin ignites the kerosene-soaked rope, causing the duo to let go and plummet to the concrete. You had enough yet, or are you thirsty for more?
2 Electrocuted through sink
One of his most thought out traps, and easily one of his deadliest, Kevin really proved how clever he was with this particularly shocking plan. When Marv slips on some slime and knocks over an entire shelf of paint cans (who knew paint cans could be so deadly?), he understandably gets slathered in a coat of paint.
Kevin plans for this to happen and sets it up right next to a deactivated metal sink, which he then rigs to an arc welder. Once Marv tries to clean himself off, Kevin cranks the arc welder up to 11 and electrocutes him until there’s nothing left but a skeleton. Kevin might be a little too good at this.
1 Blow torch to the head, dipped in kerosene
Again, we completely understand trying to defend your turf, but this particularly deadly trap was pretty excessive. When Kevin uses the same blow torch trap that he did in the first movie, Harry’s initially ready for it, but not when it happens before he steps into a bathroom.
With no snow to extinguish the flame this time, Harry notices the toilet bowl filled with ‘water’ and shows off some impressive acrobatic skills in order to put it out. Unbeknownst to him, Kevin had previously filled the toilet with kerosene instead of water, causing Harry to send the entire first floor of the building sky-high. Even with your motives, Kev, you deserve a little coal in your stocking for this one.
NEXT: 10 Best Christmas Movies Of The 1990s