The 1994 film The Santa Clause is the first in a trilogy of Christmas films, following Scott Calvin, who inherits the title of Santa Claus after the former Santa falls off the roof and he puts on Santa’s clothes. His inheritance of the title is an accident because Calvin misses the clause stating that he agrees to become Santa upon putting on the clothes.
The films are comedies and led by comedian Tim Allen. The genre and the comedic talents of Allen and the other cast members make for some hilarious moments throughout the film. Here are the 10 funniest quotes from The Santa Clause.
10 “Topo Gigio.”
During Scott Calvin’s, now the fully-fledged Santa Claus, interrogation for the disappearance of his son Charlie, the detective asked him to say his old name, Scott Calvin, because he believes Calvin to be delusional. Instead of complying, Calvin says Kriss Kringle the first time he is asked. When asked a second time, he spouts off his name in other languages but ends with “Topo Gigio,” which is not a name for Santa but an old Italian puppet television show from the ’60s.
At this point, he was likely just saying these names to annoy the detective, which is hilarious. Also, the way he says “Topo Gigio” adds to the hilarity of the quote.
9 “It’s Okay, I’m Used To It. I Lived Through The ’60s.”
Scott makes this remark after he first puts the suit on and grabs Santa’s bag, causing him to float. He and his son Charlie are at first in shock at the magic unfolding but then Scott makes light of the situation by making this sarcastic remark.
Later in the film, Scott is revealed to be 38 years old, making him 37 a year earlier when he first puts on the suit. If the film took place around the year 1994, Scott would have been a child during the ’60s, making this remark nothing but a joke about the drug habits associated with the ’60s.
8 “If We Go Straight On This Road And We Hit I-94…?”
Scott and Charlie accidentally make the reindeer take off from their roof while they are still in the sleigh. When they first take off, they fly only a couple of feet above the ground and pass a van driver making newspaper deliveries.
The driver takes notice of the flying reindeer, the sleigh they are pulling, and the sleigh’s passengers, and is too shocked to say anything. Instead of acknowledging the ridiculousness of their brief encounter, Scott starts to ask the driver for directions, even though he is likely familiar with the area but is cut off as the reindeer gain speed and the sleigh passes the van.
7 “Don’t Forget the Fire Extinguisher”
Toward the beginning of the film, Scott puts Charlie to bed after reading him a story. Charlie asks Scott to put out milk and cookies for Santa, to which Scott replies that he’ll preheat the oven. Since Scott had burned a turkey in the oven earlier that night and used a fire extinguisher to put out the fire, Charlie tells him not to forget it.
The fact that Charlie, a young child, made such a sarcastic comment to his dad is hilarious. What makes it even funnier is that Scott cannot come up with a witty response and instead just tells Charlie “good night.”
6 “Thanks, But I’m Seeing Someone In Wrapping.”
Judy the Elf brings Scott some hot cocoa to drink before going to bed when he first arrives at the North Pole. She tells him that it took her 1,200 years to perfect her recipe, to which Scott replies that she looks good for her age. Judy tells him that she is seeing someone in wrapping. Scott, who probably did not intend for what he said to be a line, is caught off guard by this because she looks like a child.
What’s funny about the line is that Judy says it so matter-of-factly and that Scott likely was not aware of what he was implying and was just trying to make a bad joke.
5 “I Believe In Santa Claus. I’m Not A Baby.”
Toward the beginning of the film, Charlie struggles with his belief in Santa, calling the belief babyish. Scott replies with the line that he believes in Santa and is not a baby because he wants to preserve his son’s childhood innocence. Laura, Charlie’s mom and Scott’s ex-wife, replies to Scott, saying, “Well…”
The line that Scott says is not funny by itself. The fact that Laura wants to contradict his statement that he is not a baby is what makes Scott’s line hilarious, especially after viewers watch Scott behave in ways that support Laura’s, and not Scott’s, opinion.
4 “Not As Good As My Wife’s, But Let’s Not Open Up That Wound.”
Scott meets Bernard, the head elf, upon first arriving at the North Pole and thinks that Bernard wants to sue him for causing the former Santa to fall off his roof. Scott tells Bernard that he has a good attorney before adding that his wife has a better attorney. This side comment is about his and Laura’s divorce, in which she had the upper hand, apparently thanks to her attorney.
This line is funny because even though enough time for Laura to date and remarry has passed, Scott is still unhappy with the proceedings. Let’s face it, seeing a guy not getting his way is hilarious to watch.
3 “I Think That If We’re Going To Destroy Our Son’s Illusions, I Should Be Apart Of It.”
This line is a joke for all the parents out there. Scott says this to Laura because she and her new husband Neal took it upon themselves to tell Charlie that Santa does not exist. Scott wants to preserve Charlie’s childhood innocence, as mentioned before, and is disappointed that he was not clued in on such a big revelation for kids.
Parents especially will love this joke because they all had to make similar decisions involving Santa Claus and other fantastical beings such as the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny and expose their children more to the real world in doing so.
2 “We Don’t Drink Coffee.”
When Scott and Charlie first arrive at the North Pole, Scott tries to find out who is in charge, and he finds an elf who is not helpful and says that Scott is in charge. Bernard approaches Scott and the elf, asking if the elf is on a coffee break. The elf replies that they don’t drink coffee, and Bernard tells her that that means the break is over.
The whole exchange is hilarious because, in spite of the acknowledgment that elves do not drink coffee, Bernard maintains the coffee metaphor throughout the conversation.
1 “You Said You Were Lactose Intolerant.”
The next year, when Santa makes his runs again, he runs into a little girl named Sarah, whom he had met the year before. When he drinks the milk she sets out for him, he comments that it’s sour. The milk is revealed to be soy, which Sarah purposefully set out instead of cow milk, due to the fact that last year he had told her he was lactose intolerant.
The magic of Santa probably healed his lactose intolerance and gave him a taste for cow milk over soy. No matter what, though, his simultaneous disappointment and gratefulness that she remembered is hilarious.
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